Fluffy Valduggery Reboot
by NightcatMau
Summary: A blend of old and new stories to be uploaded at random. Most will be Valduggery but the first two in the series are Dexter/Val and some good old Valton. Fluffy. New Chapter!
1. The Orange: Dexkyrie

A/N: I don't own Val or Saracen. The fluff bunny biteth hard. Set after the books, some liberties may have been taken, Val is in her 20s.

* * *

Valkyrie was bored on her stakeout with Saracen. And even though he'd been trying to entertain her as they sat in the park, she was also starved. Saracen grinned at her. "Here." He tossed her an orange out of his pocket and Valkyrie caught it, then sliced into the tender flesh with her thumbnail.

"Thanks." Valkyrie said, then proceeded to eat the orange. A sight many would have compared to hyaenas tearing apart a carcass, even if they knew full well a punch would be coming in reply. Saracen just watched as she got orange juice everywhere and tore off chunks of orange flesh with her teeth. "What? I'm hungry." Valkyrie growled at him and Saracen laughed.

"I can tell a lot about a woman by the way she eats an orange." Saracen teased and Valkyrie glared at him.

"If this is leading into one of your disgusting dating stories-"

"Perish the thought." Saracen said and his goofy grin defused Valkyrie's temper.

"Sorry." She said as she finished the orange. Saracen merely grinned in reply and slid his mobile out of his pocket. Before she could stop him he'd snapped a pic of her with orange juice dripping down her chin and bits of orange flesh stuck in her bared teeth.

"Saracen, don't you dare." Valkyrie said and he laughed.

"Don't mess with this woman." He said slowly as he typed a message and his thumb hovered over the Send button. Valkyrie stared at him, willing him to put the mobile down, and could only watch as he sent the message, photo included.

"You're a dead man." Valkyrie growled.

"That I am. And deep down you also think I'm rather handsome." Saracen said good-naturedly and Valkyrie flushed.

"I do not!" She shouted in reply.

Saracen snapped another pic and Valkyrie lunged for the phone, but he simply held it out of reach as she jumped and repeatedly tried to get it. Saracen, laughing hysterically, snapped another pic as she leapt off the ground.

The suspects, of course, walked right on by.

* * *

 **Um, reasons?**


	2. Morning: Valton

A/N: I don't own Valkyrie or Anton. Val is decades older than the books at this point. I know this isn't great shakes, but I had a really miserable day and needed some Anton fluff. Thanks go out to **BethShadows** for the fave and to **The-empty-masquerade** for the fave and follow. NOTE: OK, decided to start uploading a whole bunch of the old one-shots and such into a fresh version of _Fluffy Valduggery_.

* * *

I woke up the following morning still wrapped in Anton's delicious warmth, I kept my eyes closed and burrowed into his chest. I didn't want to let my husband go. It was just one of those perfect moments where I got a glimpse of how right we were together. He moved and I felt his long silky hair brush against my face. "Morning." He said, his voice rusty with sleep.

"Morning." I said, at last lifting my head for a kiss. And I felt my heart do backflips like it always did as his lips touched mine. Anton's lips were incredibly soft and he knew exactly how to use them to release millions of butterflies into my belly. I giggled as he held me to him. "Breakfast in bed?" I offered.

"I'll make it, then we have to get to the guests."

"You stay put. I set our alarms ahead an hour so we could have some time together." I touched his chin, savouring the feeling of his slight stubble and melting from his radiant smile. I kissed him once more, then got up, belting my robe and getting out of out bedroom and over to our kitchenette before he could protest.

I got out the bowls of oatmeal we'd brought back from America, little to go ones and got out peanut butter for myself and fresh blueberries for him while I waited on the electric kettle. Then some freshly made orange juice, tea and some fresh fruit with cream. I took our trays over to our bed, happy to see Anton sitting up and watching me. "Thank you, sweetheart." He said, accepting his tray.

I got settled with mine and we toasted one another with orange juice then ate a leisurely breakfast for once. Anton sighed happily when we finished and still had time to stay in bed. He grinned at me then drew me into his arms, and back down into bed. "Let's hide in bed all day from the guests." He offered wistfully.

"I'd love that. But only because I'd get time alone with you." I said, stroking his long black hair. Anton smiled softly in reply and drew me into another kiss. We parted all too quickly, then went about getting ready for our day. It was amazing that after so many decades together we were more deeply in love than ever and I knew we were lucky.

We'd both found someone who understood us and accepted us as we were. A lot of people didn't like that, but we didn't care. We weren't married to them as Anton would remind me if it ever got under my skin. As I got the front desk in order I heard the speakers we'd recently installed in the hotel come on, one of Anton's many ways to annoy guests and grinned as Smoky Robinson came pouring into the early morning stillness.

I loved that about him. Anton played music he actually liked, and if guests dared to complain he'd just stare at them, or use that quiet voice he had to maximum effect. He knew he scared everyone but me and he was downright gleeful about it. Right now I knew he was patrolling the halls, more silent than a wraith, all the better to catch our guests unawares and put a good jump scare into them.

Don't get me wrong, he was a great host, very tender and considerate with most of our guests. But some of them he gave his undivided attention to. Especially if they hurt my feelings and from the screams of terror from the third floor, I guessed he'd cornered another one. Just another day at the Midnight Hotel.

* * *

 **Staying a one-shot, but I needed that.**


	3. The Date: Valduggery

A/N: I don't own Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Ghastly or Erskine. Val is about 23, and I got bitted by a fluffy plot bunny from Fluffytown, so don't expect "War and Peace", 'Kay?

* * *

Skulduggery had been gone for several days on a case of his own, and I still couldn't believe he'd went off without me. Erskine and Ghastly were taking me out to lunch, someplace elegant, Ghastly insisting I wear the new dress he'd made me for the occasion.

It was simple, in black of course, and swept to the floor. It did look fantastic and I totally owned it. I gave a slight gasp as we entered the restaurant. It was far more elegant that I had expected, and the understated clothes both men were wearing didn't seem suited to it, though I was hardy going to be snobby about it. They were my best friends outside of Skulduggery, after all.

And at least they were there while Skulduggery was off having all sorts of fun without me. All Ghastly would say was that it was a delicate case, one Skulduggery felt he had to handle on his own. What was I? A sledgehammer? OK, maybe I was, but who taught me to be that way? But I resolved to forgot all about that and enjoy my friends as the maître d' escorted us to our table.

We were all offered wine menus which we declined but he saw to it that we would have two cups of coffee in short order. I looked at Ghastly. If they were staying why wasn't he ordering? I was about to ask when a collective murmur rose in the room. I looked up to see a man entered by the opposite entrance and his appearance was turning heads. The small string quartet started up and I recognized the opening strains of the James Bond theme. _No, it couldn't be. Not even he has that massive an ego._

"Why, look at that, your date is here. See you later and remember you love us, so no yelling at us for setting you up. Bye." Ghastly said these words in a rush and I was dimly aware they were leaving. My attention was riveted on the man as he crossed the room, his stride elegant and relaxed.

He was handsome, so much so that one woman fell out of her chair trying to get a better look, and a waiter walked straight into a wall. His suit was black, and finely tailored, and he had a fedora of the same material tilted down at a rakish angle over one eye.

He knew all eyes were on him, and the broad grin this caused to appear of his face was magnetic. I was utterly transfixed. The mystery man reached my, well our table at last, and removed his hat which he handed off to the awaiting maître d' . He had coal black hair swept away from his handsome features that was neatly trimmed and his strangely familiar jawline was clean shaven.

He eyes were the brightest blue I'd ever seen, almost catlike, but it was the smile, now clearly wicked that clicked that clicked in my brain. "Skulduggery?" I breathed. He chuckled softly, pleased with himself as he sat.

"Yes, Valkyrie, in the flesh." There was a purr in his velvety voice that made my heart do terrible things and gave me the chills. He knew the effect his voice had on me, and now he was using it seductively. "I had your escorts order us coffee. Allow me to order our lunch?"

I nodded in reply, not trusting my voice. Luckily the quartet went on to something more sedate and the other patrons returned to their meals. Skulduggery ordered when the waiter brought our coffee, then turned his gaze back to me. He had stared at me for years and it had never bothered me before. But that was when we were best friends and partners. The man sitting across from me didn't seem remotely interested in being either. "No questions for me?" He asked, a teasing note in his voice, snapping out of the near trance his gaze had put me in.

"Yes, I do have questions. Is this what I think it is, and why?"

He sipped his coffee and considered me over the rim the way a cat watches birds, pinning me with his gaze, then he dropped his gaze, a grin spreading across his far too handsome features. "If you mean am I flesh and blood, yes. As you recall I already said 'in the flesh'. I do wish you'd pay more attention to clues, Valkyrie. As for why, I think we both know why."

"Let's pretend we don't." I replied, and he sighed.

"Do you have any idea," he paused as our first course was set down. "how lonely being the world's only living skeleton can be, Valkyrie? Knowing you will outlive everyone you care about, everyone, your best friend and partner included, because as a skeleton you are as close to immortal as a living being can get?"

I looked at him and suddenly felt sorry for him. "I never thought of it that way. I always assumed you'd go on and make new friends, have new adventures."

"No, Valkyrie, I would not. There comes a time in a man's life when he meets the woman he knows he wants to be with. Or in this case, comes to realize he wants to be with." Held my gaze to be sure I had his meaning, and I nodded. "I never said anything to you before, because I'd told you a story once, and you did not react well."

"Wait, what?" I asked confused.

"Yes, you were twelve at the time and I told you a Grimm's fairy tale, always one of my especial favourites about the skeleton who became a prince once more when the princess kissed him, breaking the spell over him. You didn't like it at all. You asked where the fun in that was, him turning back into a man."

"I was twelve." I growled.

"Don't interrupt when I'm being brilliant. Now where was I? Ah yes, after _that_ little reaction I never mentioned the idea again, but it has been my fondest wish ever since I reassembled myself, now, at last I have my wish. Though I doubt very much I have my princess." He nodded, pleased with his speech, clearly seeing himself as a tragic hero and I barely repressed a sigh.

"Skulduggery, you're over four hundred. As romantic as this is for you, do you know how long I'll be alone when you die?"

"Yes, but by then I'll be past caring." He said, pleased with himself. I wanted to be mad, but I couldn't. The pleased air about him made me want to laugh instead. Skulduggery, true to his nature, was usually fun to be with. Our steaks arrived and he made a pleased sound. "I- I do hope you realize I did this so we can be together, Valkyrie. The options been there all along at the Sanctuary. I just never had a reason to live before."

I reached over and took his hand, and he smiled at me, his gaze gentle now. "Skulduggery, that is the sweetest thing you've ever said to me. Are you sure they gave you a functioning brain?" I teased, and he barked with laughter.

"Good to see being in love hasn't honeyed your words any, my most loyal combat accessory." He teased right back.

We both relaxed then and enjoyed our steaks, teasing one another like we always did, managing snide remarks about half the diners. Everything was back to the way it used to be until he escorted me to the Bentley and I realized he was indeed a living man once more as he helped me in.

I leaned over and got his door and he got in, charmed and dangerously charming. "Seatbelt. Now the day is ours to do with as we please. As you are the one getting everything, as in, getting me, I think I should get to pick where we go next."

"Your ego knows no bounds." I groaned.

"I know." He said, putting the Bentley into drive. "Isn't it wonderful?"

* * *

 **Dang blasted plot bunnies!**


	4. Ballin' The Jack: Valduggery

A/N: I don't own Gordon, Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Fergus or Beryl. Not sure how old Val is here, but she has Surged and just lost her family to protect magic. You seriously should see the clip of the song "Ballin' the Jack" from "Haunted Honeymoon" on You Tube before reading this and keep that image firmly in mind. It comes up as Haunted Honeymoon - Ballin' the Jack for me. Enjoy!

* * *

Valkyrie tried to dry her tears before she answered Uncle Gordon's urgent voice from his study. It was no use crying. She'd known she'd have to give up her family to protect magic after she Surged. She'd no longer be aging and that would lead to too many questions. "Yes, uncle Gordon?"

"Valkyrie, I know it seems like your life is over now, but I need to see you up here for a moment please." He had drifted out to the railing, his new and improved Echo Stone base granting him far greater mobility. He seemed to be in mourning for her and it touched her.

As far as she was concerned the Echo who patiently waited for her to drag her trudging steps the stairs to him with a gentle smile on his face was her uncle. He loved, her, cared for her, did everything Uncle Gordon had done when he was alive, and now, she had to admit, she needed his comfort.

"Come on into my secret study, my most favoured niece." He said gently, a soft smile on his face. "I have something for you."

Valkyrie followed him. It was a mystery, and any good mystery instantly made her feel better. Uncle Gordon smiled at her and gestured to a manilla envelope on his desk. "Do you remember when you were really little and your parents used to let you stay here, Valkyrie?" Valkyrie nodded and opened the envelope. There was a strange object inside.

"That, my dear, is a VHS tape. It has no label because, well it was meant for your eyes only, and well, mine too since I was there when it was recorded. Before you play it, do you remember the film I used to play for you whenever you had a bad day?"

Valkyrie thought a moment. She had to have been five or six at most, but when Uncle Gordon started to hum a song, she remembered. "Yes! _Haunted Honeymoon_ you'd let me replay the song in it over and over. It was hysterical. When I was little, of course." She quickly amended, blushing.

Uncle Gordon grinned. "It can still be hysterical, Valkyrie. Do you remember why sorcerers have to Take a name?"

"Of course because you can be ordered to do anything by anyone if you don't."

"Right you are, my dearest niece. Do you know that your bad uncle, and I still refuse to believe we are related by blood, never Took a name, despite knowing about magic?"

Valkyrie frowned. "No, I didn't. But what has that got to do with the tape?"

Gordon leaned back the best he could, a Cheshire grin breaking out on his face. "Everything. As you well know, your partner and best friend was best friends with me before you, and one thing I'll give him credit for is foresight. He knew this day would come, even before you were attacked after my death. I don't know how, but he knew, and he used his influence to make you something to cheer you up."

Gordon gestured and Valkyrie popped the tape into the VCR. There was some static, then there was a Christmas party for the family. She felt a pang of regret at having agreed to watch it, but then Skulduggery wandered into the scene. He bent down and murmured something to her awful aunt Beryl and terrible uncle Fergus.

The both went rigid, then stood up and walked behind the stage the family had set up. Minutes later they appeared, her uncle in full drag like Dom DeLuise had worn in the film to play Aunt Kate. But where Dom had achieved a wonderful stroke of comedic genius her uncle just looked fat and ugly in the costume.

Seeing her aunt in Gilda Radner's costume was hysterical, she laughed before the music even began, then fell into hysterical fits with Uncle Gordon as the two plodded their way through a really rubbish version of "Ballin' the Jack".

Instead of the strong, soaring voice of Dom DeLuise her uncle ruined the held note so horribly that she nearly fell out of her chair in fits of mirth. The two were so terrible it was priceless. The travesty ended and they slunk off stage.

The camera cut out, then came back on in Gordon's study. Skulduggery sat before the camera, looking rather pleased with himself if she read his skeletal features correctly. "Ah, hello there. Are you sure this thing is on Gordon? Very well then." He adjusted his tie and hat before continuing and Valkyrie smiled fondly at his fussy behaviour.

"This video, which I'm sure you will find endlessly amusing was made for the favourite niece of my dear friend Gordon. I have faith that whatever paths your life leads you on, young lady, they will be magical and they day will come when you will need this tape. If I have never made your acquaintance, and I simply cannot see a man as wonderful and dashing as myself not do so, I still give you my best regards. I am of course, if you haven't already guessed from your uncle's thrilling novels Skulduggery Pleasant, though he changed my name to protect my identity, I take entire credit for his success as a writer." There was a distinct snort of laughter off camera and Skulduggery managed to look annoyed.

He paused, then acting as if his dignity had been mortally wounded, continued his speech. "If I have had the wonderful pleasure of meeting me, you know my dim view of these particular family members, who I am sure had this coming in spades." Skulduggery tipped his hat and the video ended.

Valkyrie turned to Gordon with a smile. "How could he possibly know I'd need cheering up?"

Gordon shrugged and smiled. "I have no idea, my dear, but I'm sure he is waiting for you to ring him. We'd agreed a long time ago you'd only ever see this if you lost your family in some way. We know it doesn't make up for it, but well, it's better to laugh than cry."

Valkyrie did laugh and dug out her mobile to ring Skulduggery. Her best friend and partner deserved to witness the spectacle he'd created one more time, and she was sure he'd enjoy seeing himself on camera even more.

* * *

 **"Haunted Honeymoon" is a classic comedy from the 1980's and the idea of her hateful aunt and uncle being forced to do "Ballin' the Jack" from the film is freaking priceless. If you haven't checked it out, go have a look see on You Tube.**


	5. Skulmas: Valton

A/N: I don't own Valkyrie, Skulduggery, Ghastly, Anton, Saracen, Thrasher, scapegrace, Clarabelle or Dex. Or Grumpy Cat. And if you don't like sweet, cheerful stories where everyone is ooc you can keep your yap shut. Some of us writers have no families or friends and schmaltzy stories are our gifts to ourselves. And the point of the holidays, is, I like to think, to put your own problems aside and be nice to your fellow creatures for once. Val is in her 20s, story is in her POV.

* * *

I walked through the falling snow drinking in all the brightly lit shop windows decorated for the holidays. I love Christmas, I really do, but I have Skulduggery Pleasant for a partner. The one man on the planet who has good reasons to hate the holidays, I guess. A man passing by wished me a Merry Christmas and I smiled at him. I actually smiled at him and for a moment I wanted some time off as we wished one another happy holidays.

A lot of people, after all, had it rougher than we did and still made a Merry Christmas, or a Happy Holiday or a Merry Whatever. I swore Skulduggery planned to have cases for the holidays and of course he wanted to meet at a coffee shop where his dismal attitude would be sure to destroy any holiday cheer the overworked staff tried to muster. I actually felt sorry for them.

"Happy Holidays?" I tried as I sat down in the booth across from him.

"Hello to you too, Valkyrie." Skulduggery returned. "And since it is the holidays I suppose I have to buy you some coffee?" He grumbled.

"Don't bother." I growled back, my own good mood vanishing and his facade looked startled. I realized too late he'd just been teasing.

"Uh, yes. Right. To the case then. Don't have coffee with a friend, or a cookie. See if I care." He said teasingly.

I tried to fight a smile and failed. "You're such a moron, you know that?" I asked fondly and he nodded.

"Regular or something holiday-themed?" He asked as he rose. I shrugged and he nodded again. "Right, something for the holidays. Right." He said as though touching it would somehow contaminate him with good cheer.

"You should be easier on him, Val. He is trying." A deep voice rumbled behind me. I turned to see Ghastly bundled up in one of his disguises. He gathered me in a hug as I stood to greet him, then ruffled my hair fondly as I sat back down.

"He's very trying." I agreed with a grin and he snorted in amusement.

"I mean it. You've been partners long enough that you've swapped personalities. He's the nice one now. Be gentle. Indulge him." I nodded wondering if I was dreaming. Skulduggery hated Christmas. He had a good reason to, I guessed, but he despised the holiday. Still, if he wanted to enjoy it for once I could be a little easier on him.

Skulduggery returned with my coffee in his hand and a slice of something that looked suspiciously like a holiday pie. He looked pleased with himself as he set the holiday-themed offerings in front of me. "The coffee was chocolate mint or mocha mint. I wasn't aware there was a difference. So I had them go half and half and add whipped cream and sprinkles." He said cheerfully.

I looked at him and smiled. "That sounds good actually. I can't remember the last time I've eaten." I admitted as I sipped the drink. Skulduggery nodded to himself as if he'd guessed as much, but said nothing. "I've just been in a bad mood lately, sorry." I said and he patted my hand.

"I understand, trust me, Valkyrie. I'm sorry we had to make your family forget you, but considering our line of work-" He trailed off with a helpless shrug.

"It's OK, really. I've been watching the Grumpy Cat Christmas special. She's awesome. She hates the holidays." I said with a grin.

"I can imagine." Skulduggery said dryly.

"Do we actually have a case?" I asked.

"Hmm? Skulduggery asked, his chin propped in his hands while he watched me eat. "What case? I said I wanted to meet you here, I never said anything about a case."

"You didn't, did you?" I said and turned slightly to see Ghastly, but he was studiously ignoring us. Now I was sure I was dreaming. Why would any of the Dead Men be out for the holidays? Ghastly didn't just happen to be there. And they all hated the holidays. Anton would have personally strangled anyone who brought garland into the Midnight Hotel. Probably _with_ the garland. At least he would have smiled while he did it.

I laughed. "I just realized we don't know a single person who likes the holidays." I said and Skulduggery tilted his head thoughtfully.

"Not entirely true. I'm sure Thrasher and Scapegrace enjoy them. They have a family now with Clarabelle. And some of us enjoy the holidays a little. As a matter of fact when you're finished we're going on a trip."

I was immediately suspicious. "What kind of a trip?" I asked as I drank the last of my coffee.

"A fun trip." Skulduggery assured me, nodding smartly and I smiled. I knew the Dead Men had to be involved somehow.

And when we left with Ghastly and reached the van I smiled at the man waiting for us. Anton Shudder smiled back and bundled me into a tight hug. "Happy Holidays, Valkyrie."

"Happy Holidays, Anton." I returned as I hugged him back and he smiled down at me fondly then got the door of the van for me. I felt a little weird. Like I was in the Twilight Zone. I guessed it was possible Anton would be happy on the holidays, but it just didn't _seem_ possible. None of this seemed real, so I decided I was dreaming and it was OK to enjoy myself.

Ghastly turned the heater up and as I snuggled into my seat Skulduggery tucked me into him. That was strange too, but I couldn't fight the sleepiness that overcame me. And when I awoke it was to a cold blast of wind hitting my face as the van door opened and Dexter Vex joined us.

"Hey, Val. Merry whatever it is PC to wish you." He said cheerfully.

"Happy Whatever." I said and he gave me a goofy, lopsided grin. Saracen was with him and once they were settled the van was even warmer. It felt good being with my friends and I hoped they hadn't gone out of their way for me. So, it was my first holiday on my own. I'd be OK, I guessed.

But I didn't have time to think about it as Ghastly flicked on the radio. A regular holiday song played, then a clip the DJ had lifted of Grumpy Cat singing her own version of Jingle Bells. I laughed and Dexter joined me. "Have you seen her movie?" He asked, leaning forward to reach the bench seat I was sharing with Skulduggery.

"Three times." I admitted. "I loved all the explosions and when she opened fire on the bad guys. I want a cat like her some day, she's awesome."

"There's a Christmas movie about a cat who shoots people?" Skulduggery asked doubtfully.

Anton actually laughed. "That's a movie I'd actually watch. A cat that shoots people."

"With a paint gun." I protested and Dexter giggled.

"Yeah, right in the tailfeathers. How much you want to bet some kid does that, Val, and gets in trouble for it?"

"You two really have high standards for holiday films." Skulduggery said dryly.

"Yep, and Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer. I like violent Christmas films." I said fondly.

"I knew there was something I liked about you, Valkyrie." Anton said and I smiled at him. He'd moved up and I knew very well my friends were all surrounding me and it really helped. We stopped at a rest area to stretch our legs and were joined there by Tanith who bundled me into the tightest hug yet.

"Hey, sis." She said warmly. "Couldn't let you have all the cute guys to yourself. Besides, there might be a special announcement from Ghastly pretty soon." She hinted and when I realized what she meant she and I both shrieked excitedly. Skulduggery looked over at us and shook his head.

We were both still giggling as we rejoined the men. "Having fun?" Anton asked warmly.

"Yeah, I am." I admitted as he smiled at me gently. He escorted me out to the van, and I was well aware the others were giving us space. I didn't think anything of it. Anton didn't socialize much that I was aware of, so they were most likely being nice. Still. He was being as attentive as they all were and it made me feel lucky to know such good men, even if Anton did like scaring people.

* * *

Our destination turned out to be the Midnight Hotel where we'd all be guests for two weeks. It was, as always, bereft of any holiday cheer, but Anton was doing his best to make me feel welcome, assigning me to a room with Skulduggery that would give me easy access to the kitchen and common room. I looked at Skulduggery as we got settled in. "This was your idea, wasn't it? Thank you."

He tilted his head in a smile. "Think nothing of it. We all get to escape the mayhem and chaos of the mortal holidays and just relax for once. I could get used to this, you know. We usually meet at Ghastly's shop when we can, but this is nicer, isn't it?" He asked and I nodded, it was nicer.

Anton was good at providing for his guests and he seemed relaxed for once as we went back out to the common room to find the others. I was silently grateful we were skipping the mortal ideas about the season. They had been OK in small doses, but trees and holiday cheer really meant family, didn't they? And I didn't have a family anymore.

I'd made a half-hearted attempt to decorate small tree at the mansion of course, but with only me and Echo Gordon to admire it, it had been more depressing than anything, even if it was a cute and cheerful little tree. There wouldn't be a family waiting around it for me on Christmas Day, there never would be. I'd abandoned my attempt, using the tree to start a fire later that day and nothing more was said about it. Thankfully Anton's idea of holiday cheer was not bothering much with his guests after we'd settled in with coffee or tea respectively.

I was staring into the fire, listening to the others talk and half asleep when Skulduggery nudged me. "You know what would make this perfect?" He asked.

"Me telling you how wonderful you are?" I grunted sleepily.

"Well, yes, that too. But what else?" He pressed.

I grunted sleepily. There was no one else I could think of having there. Erskine Ravel had taken off on a journey one day and last been seen heading into a tropical jungle. No one even knew if he was alive, but apparently he did that sort of thing all the time. At least according to Corrival, who was a fairly good Grand Mage. Then it dawned on me that Corrival wasn't there. "Corrival would be a nice touch, he's grouchier than Grumpy Cat." I said and Skulduggery tsked.

"You and that cat. Yes, that would be nice too. But I was thinking more along the lines of you figuring out what everyone else already has."

I blinked open my eyes to look at him and thought a moment. "You've got to be kidding." I said and he tilted his head in a slight smile. "But, he's-" I trailed off lamely.

"The scary one? The quiet one? The one nobody seems to care about or miss? Yes, he's all that, Valkyrie. Anton's so good at looking self-reliant and scaring people that it has never dawned on anyone that even he needs somebody. He is a man, not a machine and you'd do well to remember that." Skulduggery said kindly.

I looked away, embarrassed. I didn't want to date Anton. Anton was scary. Anton liked scaring people. And he was more sarcastic than Skulduggery when he set his mind to it. I didn't even think he liked me. But Skulduggery elbowed me again and I punched him in the arm. "Lovely to see you two getting along so well." Anton said in that soft voice of his from behind us.

"He had it coming." I said and his lips twitched in a smile.

"I'm sure he did. Would you be so kind as to help me with something, Valkyrie?" Anton asked and I nodded. He looked at me as we left the common room. "I know everything that goes on in this hotel. I hope Skulduggery didn't frighten you too badly."

I didn't know what to say to that so I just shook my head no. Anton led the way outside. I looked at him puzzled, and he jangled Ghastly's keys at me. "Picking up supplies in town before we move on. I would appreciate the help if you don't mind."

"I'd love to go, Anton." I said, smiling faintly at him. And I was happy to go, as a friend. Anton had never really scared me, not in the way Mr. Bliss ever did, but I think we both knew I could never love him either. Anton for his part acted like he wasn't even aware he was supposed to be interested in me. He grunted in annoyance as we entered the nearest town.

"Will you look at all these lights, Valkyrie? And the decorations? Once a year mortals go completely insane, don't they?"

"It's a season of hope." I offered and he glanced over at me.

"There is no such thing."

"That's depressing." I said and he shrugged as he pulled up to a store.

"It's the truth." He said, then his expression softened as we got out and stood in front of the store.. "Sorry. I've lived on my own for so long I can't even remember why people like being together."

"That's even more depressing." I said, then hugged him tightly. He gasped in surprise but returned the gesture. "I thought you weren't much of a hugger."

"Would you hug a man who hasn't bathed in weeks on a mission? Utterly revolting." He said as we parted and I laughed. Anton wasn't funny in the same way Skulduggery was, but I knew he was doing his best to show me a good time. "It's all right, you know" He said. "I know you're not interested. And somehow I don't mind." He smiled faintly then escorted me inside.

We got what we needed, Anton stopping to stare at the bakery. He sighed wistfully. "I vaguely recall my mother baking, my family being together." His voice was soft and I knew as good as the memories were they had to hurt too. He glanced at me. "Sorry, ancient history."

"No, you should remember your family, Anton. It obviously made you happy to remember. And we don't have to call them Christmas cookies. They can be anti-holiday cookies if you like." I said and he laughed.

"Next you'll be putting up the Festivus pole and airing our grievances. I ought to start doing that with my guests." He said and we grabbed several boxes and added them to our cart. We checked out and drove back, Anton looking thoughtful and relaxed.

I helped him carry the groceries in then went back to the common room. I knew everyone had been hoping for some sort of sappy holiday movie miracle, but I didn't have one to give them. There wasn't going to be any romance between us. And everyone wanting it to happen wouldn't change that. Skulduggery titled his head at me as I rejoined him on the sofa. "I hope you didn't blow it. He loves you, Valkyrie."

"Skulduggery!" I hissed. "Look, he knows I'm not interested."

"Does he now?" Ghastly rumbled as he joined us. "He wouldn't be my first choice for anyone, Val. But it's rather obvious how he feels. He actually smiles at you. He took you shopping. He can't stand being close to people so far as any of us know. But if that's the way you honestly feel, so be it." He shrugged and I looked away.

I needed some alone time to think. This was going from a strange dream to a nightmare. It wasn't that Anton was repulsive or anything. He was, well, he was so old for one. I didn't even know how old. And I liked cute, hot young guys. He was neither cute nor hot. He was handsome in a dark sort of way, with sharp features and hard, grey eyes that rarely softened. He reminded me of a griffon for some reason. Noble, but totally willing to pull anyone who dared approached to shreds.

I got up with a sigh and was wandering back to our room when I bumped into Anton. "Are you all right?" He asked, I blushed slightly and nodded. "They're all playing matchmaker, aren't they?" He asked with a sigh. I nodded. "I can make them stop." He offered and from the glint in his eye I knew he'd enjoy it.

I laughed, not able to help it. "As funny as that would be to watch, they are our friends." I said and he smiled gently at me.

"As you wish. I was coming for you. I could use some assistance putting things out for our guests. You're hereby hired since you're the only one I actually like." He smiled again and I felt my heart flutter slightly.

We put plates of cookies together and got eggnog out. "This isn't something you normally do, is it?" I asked and he nodded.

"I don't see the use, Valkyrie. It's just me. I put out things for the guests, but for myself I'd just as soon not bother."

"Well I want you to, from now on. At least feed yourself Christmas dinner." I said, surprised I'd said it. Anton looked at me.

"Very well, for you I will. How about venison?" He asked, his lips twitching again.

"Anton!" I scolded and he laughed. We were both laughing when we walked out to rejoin the others, both of us laden with trays. Tanith flashed me a thumbs up that I ignored and Skulduggery pointedly made room for both of us. Anton sat down beside me, clearly relieved to be done at last.

He closed his eyes and relaxed into his seat. "Tell me about this Grumpy Cat. She sounds charming." He murmured, so I did, playing up the action in the film. When I finished he sighed wistfully. "It would be nice if things like that actually happened. If people could love other people who were different from them. She sounds like my kind of cat, and I don't even like cats." He drifted off to sleep and I felt my heart soften.

It wasn't a big, romantic moment, but it was sweet. He loved me, I knew that. And maybe he wasn't some hot young guy, but he was a good man. He'd opened the hotel at a time of year that was painful to him, and he was treating us as guests who deserved a holiday when it had to be killing him inside. He had no reason to celebrate. He hadn't even gotten the girl he wanted.

I felt a slight shove from Skulduggery and before I could balance I landed against Anton. He sleepily wrapped and arm around me and I tried to ignore the happy murmurs from our friends. I also tried to fight off my own sleepiness, but Anton was warm and comforting and with everything that had happened lately I found myself sinking into his warmth and drifting off to sleep.

* * *

When I awoke later it was just the two of us. The fire had burned low and someone had covered us with a blanket. I blushed and sat up, Anton unlooping his arm from me. "Sorry." I mumbled.

"Don't be. You were nice and warm, so was I. It was nice getting to hold you, I'll admit that. And it was sweet of you to go out with me earlier tonight. But there is nothing there, is there? Go get some rest, Valkyrie. I'll see you in the morning."

Anton got up and stretched his tall frame then took my hand and helped me up. "Good night." He murmured. I thought he was going to kiss me but he just smiled at me gently and walked from the common room. I followed to go to my room, knowing Skulduggery would have told me to take the initiative and kiss Anton.

I shivered at the thought. I had wanted him to kiss me, I really had, but I wasn't brave enough to kiss him first. I was hesitating by the front desk, not really able to move when he spoke. "Valkyrie." There was something in his voice that made me turn. Anton smiled at me as he always did, then leaned in and kissed me softly.

The kiss was incredibly sweet and I closed my eyes, returning the kiss and wrapping my arms around his neck as his hands found my waist. Anton was pulling away all too soon, and he gazed down at me in silent adoration and thanks. "Merry Christmas." He whispered.

"Merry Christmas." I said, letting him cuddle me into his chest as I closed my eyes and drank in the heady scent of his cologne and aftershave mixed with the good wool of his suit. And maybe it would be a Merry Christmas after all.

* * *

 **Finis.**


	6. Prolix Loquacious

A/N: I don't own Skulduggery or Valkyrie, but Prolix Loquacious is m OC. I know this isn't Valduggery per se, but they are in love, it just takes Prolix to tell Valkyrie that. Among other things. Enjoy!

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Tha last thing Valkyrie remembered was Skulduggery carrying her away from the burning building, his velvety voice talking to her as the blackness had consumed her. But how had he been there? She knew he wasn't even in Ireland.

She tried to sit up, realizing she was in a strange bed in a tidy one-room cottage. It was night and only dim moonlight lit the room. The velvety voice she had loved for so long reached her.

"Ah, you're up. You're Valkyrie right? Do you mind if I call you Val? Because Val is just a lot easier to say to be honest, not that there's anything wrong with Valkyrie, it is a lovely Taken Name, truly it is. But I like Val better, so is that OK?"

"Skulduggery?" Valkyrie whispered, confused.

"Goodness no," the voice paused, a match flared and a candle lit beside the speaker revealing a tall man with curly black hair that fell to his shoulders, a thin sharp angular face, and brown eyes. Valkyrie marveled at how handsome he was and felt instantly smitten. Then he continued. "I'm Prolix Loquacious, Skulduggery's twin brother. Identical twin actually, not that you can tell anymore, which is not to say my brother isn't still handsome, because he is. He just isn't so twinnish anymore. Is that a word? Because if it isn't it should be. But I love my brother, even if he talks too much. He talks about you, My, how he talks. You're all he ever talks about. I think he fancies you. Does he talk about me?"

Prolix Loquacious leaned forward and Valkyrie smiled faintly. He talked more than a cat, but she liked him. He was sweet somehow, charming and friendly. Prolix beamed, apparently taking her smile for a 'yes'.

"I love my brother, I truly do, though he is far too private. He won't even give me his mobile number. I don't know why. I like talking to him, we have the most lovely craics, even though after the first several hours he doesn't say too much. I still feel terrible he was burnt, so I couldn't let you burn too, you know, I doubt you'd come back as a skeleton. Though if you did I'd still be your friend and you'd still be really pretty. Can I make you something? Bacon and eggs? You really should eat."

He paused, and Valkyrie spoke. "Yes, Prolix, bacon and eggs sound lovely, thank you. I don't think I can sit up to eat though."

Prolix came to the bed, fussing. "Oh dear. Really? Let's try, at least. Well, let's try this first, I didn't even think of it, silly me. Mum always said I talked too much and forgot my magic but I think that's plain silly, don't you? Where was I? Right, right, helping you." He put his hands on her and Valkyrie could feel a gentle warmth flood through her. The pain left her and she could sit up, even though she still felt weak.

Prolix gently propped her back on the pillows looking at her kindly. He really was a sweet man and in the seconds he didn't talk he was rather endearing. Then he started to talk again.

"All better? That's good. You don't have to nod, you can feel free to talk to me, you know, tell me your deepest darkest secrets, I'll never tell. Like if you fancy my brother because I really should know because if you fancy one another it could lead to a wedding, and if there's a wedding I'll need a present, and if I need a present I should start shopping now because I can never get sales people to wait on me for some reason. Skulduggery says it is because I talk too much. Actually he says some bad words and then says I talk too much, but I don't do I?" He looked at her pleadingly and Valkyrie shook her head no.

Prolix clapped his hands in delight, getting up and moving to the tiny fridge, then placing the things he needed on the small wooden table, before turning the stove on. "I KNEW I didn't talk too much. How could anyone talk too much? Ever? You'd loose your voice if you did, I bet. Now let's see, bacon and eggs. I'll make you toast as well and fry up some potatoes. You like potatoes? Everyone likes potatoes. Except for Irish potatoes, those things are too sweet. But sometimes sweet is good. Oh, and coffee I simply must make you coffee, or do you like tea better? No? OK, good. Coffee it is then. Are you sure you're all right? Skulduggery says you talk as much as I do."

"Skulduggery says a lot of things." Valkyrie managed.

Prolix waved a hand, smiling fondly as he cooked. "I know! He says the silliest things sometimes too. He once told me I should enter a monastery and take a vow of silence. He said it would do me good. Now isn't that the silliest thing you ever heard? He also said my cat ran away because I talk too much. Now that is very silly indeed. He was a nice cat, a Siamese cat. I like cats, do you like cats? I think everyone does, except for Skulduggery. He said the cat talked as much as I did, which I really don't think is much at all. He's a silly man sometimes, my brother."

Valkyrie laughed so hard tears came to her eyes. Somehow Prolix didn't bother her. He was sweet and kind and he was loyal to Skulduggery. True he talked a lot, but she did love his velvety voice, and exact copy of his brother's. Prolix could talk all day as far as she was concerned.

Prolix of course was only too happy to oblige her. "Here we are, all ready. I've got a lovely tray so you can eat right there in bed. I really shouldn't you know, but I'm a total hedonist. I just figure we should do what brings us happiness and not worry about what other people think. I think that is the best way to live, don't you agree? Oh goodness, what's breakfast without orange juice? I do apologize, Just one moment. There you are, orange juice. I'm happy to see you eating. Mum always did say I'm a wonderful cook. I wish Skulduggery could cook I DID offer to teach him, but he refuses to listen, he's a stubborn man, that one. Do you like to cook?"

Valkyrie nodded.

"Oh that's wonderful. Sometime when you're all nice and rested we can all get together and cook all sorts of lovely things. Or maybe not. Skulduggery seems awfully possessive of you. In fact he said if I ever came near you he'd shoot me, but I'm fairly sure he didn't mean to not rescue you. I'm almost sure of it. At least I hope I am. Oh dear, now I'm not sure at all. No, I am. He's my brother and he loves me. He only said I'd frighten you away, yet here you are, so maybe he was joking. Yes, he must have been. Because everyone likes me. You like me, right? But not too much since Skulduggery fancies you. Do you fancy him I asked and you never said."

"It depends on what you mean by fancy." Valkyrie put in edgewise.

"Well you know, fancy. Don't you like him, find him attractive, that sort of thing? Because he's a really attractive man and I know he fancies you. Why on Earth are you blushing? I know words and I'm fairly sure 'fancy' means to like someone a lot. Like 'would you fancy a cup of tea?' That's how I mean it. I did get slapped by a woman once because I told her I fancied her, not sure what THAT was all about. Skulduggery said I deserved to get slapped and not to talk to women like that so I suppose I shouldn't use the word in front of you. So henceforward no more 'fancy' for you. Oh, I just said it, didn't I? Sorry, sorry. I'll use 'like' then. Do you like my brother? Because I know he likes you."

Valkyrie smiled and nodded. "But it's a secret." She told him and Prolix looked overjoyed to be given such a gift.

"Oh, you're secret's safe with me. I wouldn't dream of telling a soul. I'm so very good at keeping secrets. Skulduggery says it's because no one will talk to me, but he's wrong. Because here we are two good friends, having a simply lovely craic. It's nice just the two of us, because if Skulduggery were here he'd talk, a lot, or he'd just shut down and ignore us, he does that a lot too. Strange man. He says I talk as much as Cormac Teige McCarthy, you know the Lord of Blarney? But he mostly wrote didn't he? So I'm not really sure what he means half the time. He also said I should try kissing the Blarney stone all by myself and it might have the opposite effect. When I pointed out I'd fall if I did that, he said it might knock some sense into me. I'm fairly sure he meant it in a nice way though."

He paused, taking the tray away. Prolix returned to her side taking her hand, concern on his handsome features. "You look tired, my dear. You honestly should get some sleep. That's it close your eyes. Would you like me to talk to you until you fall asleep? That's it, just nod. Good. Then I will, because I honestly don't mind."

So he did. Prolix talked to her all of the next day, and all of the next night too. He talked for several days in fact. When she was well enough to return to Gordon's mansion he took her, talking all the way, but the instant he pulled away the silence was deafening.

Valkyrie supposed the silence was OK too, and it would be even better to hear that voice coming from Skulduggery again even if he didn't talk as much as Prolix. She'd missed him even while Prolix spoke and she realized it was the man not the voice she truly loved. Valkyrie vowed that the moment the time was right she'd ask Skulduggery how he felt, though she was fairly sure from hearing Prolix talk that he loved her.


	7. The Return of Prolix Loquacious

A/N: I don't own Skulduggery, Valkyrie or Ghastly. Prolix is my OC though. Sorry for the long gap but it took that long to find a reader who liked him. So thanks to my mysterious Guest for asking. This might not be fluffy I guess, but nobody else likes the poor man. The rest of you can skip the chapter, I guess. Oh, and his backstory is that Skulduggery thought he was dead until several years ago, then wished he was dead since Prolix talks rings around him.

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Skulduggery Pleasant opened his front door and stared at his caller in mute horror. Prolix Loquacious stood before him trembling, badly burned and smelling of smoke. Prolix threw his arms around Skulduggery and buried his head in his neck. Skulduggery flashed back to the fire that had taken his family's life, that he thought had taken Prolix as well and his heart melted. He wrapped his arms around his brother, not sure of what else to do.

"I'm so sorry to show up unannounced, brother, really, I am. I know you said you'd kill me if I ever showed up at your house, but I thought you were joking. Or maybe not, but maybe you should, since I'm here. But bad men attacked me and burnt down my cabin, and I didn't know where else to go. Maybe I should leave. That's it I should leave. But you're my big brother and I thought you could help me, like in the movie, Brother Bear. All I want is for my brother to love me and protect me like he used to." Prolix wept then, still clinging to his older brother, and Skulduggery led him gently inside, making sure the door was locked behind them.

His brother wasn't suited to fighting, never had been. Not that he wasn't brave, Skulduggery reminded himself, Prolix, had, after all been willing to die when he ran into the burning building to save Valkyrie. Skulduggery gently set his brother down and would have risen for coffee for him, but Prolix clung to him, terrified. "Who did this to you, can you describe them to us?" Skulduggery asked gently.

Prolix sat up and looked at him in wonder. "You want a description, like in an investigation? I get to help? Well, this is so exciting, Skulduggery! It will be almost as good as working with you and Valkyrie." Prolix turned and flashed a smile at Valkyrie who had come with healing waters and was tending him.

"Hello, Val. That feels wonderful. My powers won't work on me so I know I look bad, but we still are friends right?" He grinned hugely at her smile. "That's wonderful because you'll always be my friend and really pretty even if you get burned to a crisp. Oh, dear, I'm so sorry, Skulduggery. I didn't mean to imply there's anything wrong with getting burnt, you're still very handsome. Valkyrie thinks so or she wouldn't have married you, don't you, Val? I saved the invitation, by the way. Lovely paper. Now where was I? Right, a description."

Prolix fell silent for a long time, clearly thinking. Skulduggery took away the waters from Valkyrie and returned with coffee to find Prolix still silent. That frightened him. Prolix never went more than five minutes without talking.

"Prolix, are you all right?" He asked, handing his brother coffee. Prolix shrugged and Valkyrie got him a blanket then had him sit near the fireplace it was summer but she still switched it on.

"He's in shock." She said, stroking Prolix's head like she would with a child. She sat on the arm of the chair, murmuring soothing words to him. "Come on, Prolix, you can do this. What do you remember?" She gently urged. Prolix looked at her sadly.

"Nothing, dear sister, because you are a sister to me now, is that all right? Wonderful! I'm trying but nothing is coming to me. I remember the last time Skulduggery held me though. We were all of eleven or twelve, the age you were when he rescued you. He's always been a hero, my brother. Even then. Our whole family was going to the fair, well, we were until I got sick. It was just a cold but I couldn't travel and Ireland was a rough place then. Rougher than now, or maybe not." His voice was quiet and they both listened, letting Prolix talk.

"I thought I'd ruined everything, but Skulduggery insisted he could stay with me, and well, back then boys our age could sometimes fight in wars, so well, our family agreed and we were alone that night. The nights were so dark then, Val! So scary, we had a peat fire but they don't make light like that electric one does. Anyhow a terrible storm came, with thunder. I was terrified. Do you remember, brother?"

Skulduggery nodded and Prolix continued. "I was so frightened, Valkyrie. I wanted to run right out into the storm to find a place to hide, that's how scared I was. But Skulduggery wouldn't let me. He was in my bed with me, holding me. He told me stories all night long, he sang me songs, he did all sorts of things, Val, to keep me from being frightened, and it worked. I felt safe with my big brother holding me. Oh, he is five minutes older, did I mention that? Well, he held me and he- He did something even nicer than that, Valkyrie. We didn't have much food then, not that year. Skulduggery had saved all his dinner, he refused to eat and made me eat so I'd get better. Now wasn't that nice of him?" Prolix looked at Valkyrie hopefully and she nodded, her eyes glistening.

Prolix lapsed back into silence but he seemed thoughtful now. He stood up then, setting his empty coffee cup aside with a firm resolve. "I _must_ remember, I must be of some use. Think, Prolix, think! Oh dear, it was dark, like that night and I had just settled down with the radio on, all nice and cozy when I heard people outside, men, yes men, several, calling, but not for me, for you, brother. That didn't make sense so I went to the door. I was going to open it when I saw the black robes, so I couldn't see faces. But they broke the door in, they hit me in the head, left me, set the house on fire-"

Had Skulduggery been alive he would have paled. Somebody from his past wanted him dead, somebody not aware he had died and come back, and they had nearly killed Prolix trying to do it. His little brother, as annoying as he was, nearly died because of him. He stood as well. "I'll go to the Sanctuary, you stay here."

"Brother, please, no! Don't leave me alone. Can't you ring someone instead? Please? I don't want to be left alone, please. I'm still scared. Oh, what if those men followed me here, oh dear. I'm a terrible brother, I'm-" Skulduggery gathered Prolix in his arms and caught Valkyrie's gaze. She nodded and dug out her mobile, setting it on speaker after ringing Ghastly.

Prolix turned to watch, clearly fascinated with how in control Valkyrie sounded as she gave the description of the attackers. Ghastly promised to send detectives and asked how Prolix was, then rang off, clearly taking control of things.

Prolix pulled away, seemed to gather his courage. "What am I saying? I'd better go." He laughed softly. "I had the car all packed for camping, they didn't touch a thing, so I'll still go. That's what I'll do, it will be an adventure. Sorry to have been a bother. I'll be going." Skulduggery stopped his brother gently.

"No, Prolix. You're lucky the healing waters worked so well but I still want you looked at by a Sanctuary doctor, then you're coming home. You're not safe on your own. I thought if I kept away from you I could protect you. I still don't even know how you found- Uh-"

Prolix smiled and reached in his pocket. It was tattered and scorched but his wedding invitation still had the return address. _Of course,_ Skulduggery thought. How incredibly clever his little brother was.

"I get to stay here, tonight?" Prolix asked in awe.

"I said home, Prolix. We have an extra bedroom. You're home now." Prolix threw his arms around Skulduggery, hugging his brother tightly. They coaxed him into the Bentley then to the Sanctuary doctor, then brought him home, Prolix talking all the while, to Skulduggery's utter relief.

"We should all go camping, we really should, you'd love it, Val. Out of doors, cooking on a fire. You get to sleep in a tent and everything. You know what else would be fun? Indoor camping, I bet. The tent all nice and cozy, yet you'd be in a room. Wouldn't that be fun?" He asked while Valkyrie and Skulduggery prepared dinner.

Skulduggery looked over his shoulder. "You said you have a pop up tent. Go get it. You can camp in one of the living rooms tonight." His brother looked overjoyed and went off for the tent. Skulduggery turned to Valkyrie. "Sorry, I should have asked, but where can he possibly go? Beside I do love him even if he is a handful."

Valkyrie laughed. "I'll admit he talks a lot, but he's so sweet and he adores you. He'll want to help around the house and well, he will make a good playmate when the baby comes. I think he'll love being an uncle. Besides, you know he'd try to protect us, he really would. He can't fight to protect himself, but he'd die fighting to protect us."

Skulduggery smiled and would have replied but heard Prolix returning. His brother was clearly getting things set up and it took several trips out and back. Skulduggery simply had to look and laughed. His brother had set up everything. Tent, camp chair, MREs piled in a corner, books and a hand-powered radio and flashlight.

Val joined him, clearly delighted. Dinner that night was in the living room in front of the tent using pillows as trays. Skulduggery liked indulging his little brother and knew the gentle man would be good company for Valkyrie and the baby. When night fell they told scary stories and lit the fireplace (every room had one) and before long a sleepy Prolix was unrolling his bedroll.

He didn't even have to ask. Skulduggery and Valkyrie camped out in the living room with him that night, and took him out to breakfast the next day, Prolix, now knowing his little sister as he saw Val was pregnant, flanking her in the booth.

Prolix smiled at Val. "It will be a boy, I can tell, a good strong boy. You'll be so happy. I will too, of course. But we need a name of course, and toys, and so many other things. I know you have most of it, but please, can't I help? I could buy him something useful, couldn't I? You pick, Val, anything. Since I won't need the insurance money for a new cabin, well, I want to help, if you'll really have me."

Skulduggery smiled and watched his brother talk on endlessly and for once he didn't mind. His brother after all had managed to clear all the booths and tables around them with his nonstop chatter so they had a bit of privacy.

Val nodded, having already trained Prolix to pause when he saw her nod. "Tell you what, Prolix, you agree to watch over the baby. Then when he is old enough you can buy enough gear and take him camping, how's that?"

Prolix nodded and would have replied when Skulduggery's mobile rang. Skulduggery would have stepped away for his privacy, but he owed letting Prolix in on the investigation. Skulduggery grunted in reply to Ghastly's greeting then hung up with a smile.

"We have good evidence, and leads. We will have to drive to the crime scene and I'm afraid we have to ask you to go with us, Prolix. Sorry."

Prolix nodded eagerly and they were off for the crime scene, Skulduggery wondering just how Prolix would handle seeing the ruins of his home in daylight.

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 **So there you have it. There was an idea that maybe Prolix would become a partner with Skulduggery and Valkyrie. He is too wonderful a character to keep at home playing babysitter, and very brave when it comes to protecting others.**

 **Besides which, he is brave. I wouldn't open the door for a bunch of Necromancers and I hope my readers wouldn't either. Oh, I think this also ends the series. So I hope you liked it.**


	8. Bespoke, Tailor: Valduggery

A/N: I don't own Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Ghastly, or Tanith. Here Val is about 20. Ghastly has quit his elder job and is back to tailoring. Tanith is back and Remnant free, yay! This was a stand alone one-shot at one time, it makes sense to repost it here.

* * *

Skulduggery sat across from Ghastly's worktable looking at his old friend. He'd dropped by for no particular reason, which meant, Ghastly knew, that he had a reason. Skulduggery was never, he reflected, what anyone would call sociable. "Well, what is it?" Ghastly asked, as he pulled out material for a new coat for Valkyrie. He was still annoyed at Skulduggery for letting her wear her old one into battle against a dragon. What was the man thinking? All his beautiful tailoring, wasted. Trust Skulduggery Pleasant to find a dragon, then manage to enrage it.

But Valkyrie had come back laughing over Skulduggery's solution to the magical beast. She wasn't upset at all that he'd whipped off her jacket and got it incinerated. Ghastly Bespoke was. He sat at his workbench with a sigh, smoothing the material flat. Skulduggery had been nothing but a bad influence on her since the day they had met.

 _The day Skulduggery saved her life._ He corrected himself. Ghastly knew Skulduggery cared about Valkyrie, that his friend would never willingly put her into needless danger. He knew too that Valkyrie would never leave Skulduggery's side willingly. At times like this he regretted giving up his Elder status to return to tailoring. He supposed peacetime was making him soft.

Skulduggery still hadn't answered. Ghastly stared at him, trying to read his reasoning in the hollow eye sockets. Skulduggery looked away first and Ghastly frowned. "Why do I feel I'm not going to like this?" He asked. Skulduggery wouldn't answer him. Now this was new. Normally the man never stopped talking. Ghastly tried a softer approach. "It's about Valkyrie, isn't it?" Skulduggery nodded in response, still not meeting his eyes. This could mean only one thing. Ghastly put his face in his hands and sighed.

"How long have you known?" He asked. Skulduggery looked at him, shrugged slightly. "And you're here to get my permission to court her? Isn't this something you should ask her father?" Skulduggery's shoulders slumped. Ghastly shook his head. For a warrior Skulduggery could be a real coward when it came to showing his feelings.

He didn't even plan on telling Valkyrie, Ghastly knew. He was here asking Ghastly to approve but he wouldn't dare say a thing to Valkyrie. "You do know if I approve you still have to say something to her. It isn't fair to make her wait this long."

Skulduggery's head whipped up in surprise. "What?" His normally deep voice coming out a rather high-pitched squeak. He coughed, recovered his dignity. "What do you mean, she's waiting for me to say something? What did she tell you?"

Ghastly smiled. "She didn't tell _me_ anything, she told Tanith, who of course told me so I wouldn't kill you the day you got up the nerve to walk in here." Ghastly sensed Skulduggery's smile. He shook his head. He would never in a million years have though of his two friends as a couple, but it did make sense. He could only hope Skulduggery would say something to Valkyrie soon. The door opened and Valkyrie strode into the shop with Tanith.

Skulduggery rose, went to greet his partner and Tanith came up to Ghastly. "They make a cute couple, don't they?" Ghastly said to Tanith. Skulduggery jumped and looked at Valkyrie. Ghastly could swear he was blushing. Valkyrie engulfed Skulduggery in a massive hug, and luckily for him, he didn't have to say a word.

* * *

 **Aw. Too fluffy?**


	9. Private Messaging: Valduggery

A/N: I don't own Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Kane or Carol Anne. I was bitten by a goofy plot bunny, so I apologize in advance. Story is in Val's POV, Val is in her 20s. Val sounds out of character here, sorry about that. But otherwise, enjoy!

* * *

I just couldn't believe the nerve of some people. I had started writing fanfic in an online community as a way to blow off steam in between cases. I was the only Kane/Carol Anne shipper and had matched her age to mine. So she was in her 20s like me. I didn't mean for it to, but the story had developed in a place and time outside the film series and somehow romance was working its way into it. I _hate_ romance, it is so annoyingly girly and dense. Of course maybe being in love with Skulduggery and never being able to tell him had something to do with it, but still.

But at least the romance was hidden with both of them were denying their feelings. Kane would be about to say something, bring one of his bony hands up to touch Carol Anne and stop. Or he'd smooth out his suit or adjust his tie or hat. I tried really hard not to think of how much a skeletal man dressed in a suit sounded like Skulduggery.

Other writers liked it, even though no other shippers for that pair existed. Then The Fan showed up. No, that was his author's name. He never wrote anything, and he liked my stories, a lot. At first it was a lot of fun. He liked them holding hands in one scene or he liked something about the way Kane looked at Carol Anne. Then he started in, asking for a kiss scene. Maybe it is sexist, but coming from a male writer it sounded six kinds of creepy.

Not that he was a writer. All he ever did was private message me. I was sitting on the couch checking my messages when Skulduggery looked over.

"You seem to spend all day on that thing." He grumbled.

"I have to check on something, twenty minutes tops then I'm all yours." He grumbled something about checking his own messages in reply and got his mobile out.

Of course The Fan had written again. "They need a kiss scene, now."

I counted to ten and replied. "No, they don't."

He replied almost instantly. "Yes they do, it is so obvious Kane loves her. He deserves her."

I looked over at Skulduggery typing furiously. Something had to be up at the Sanctuary.

I frowned, and messaged back. "He WHAT?"

"He deserves her."

"You figured this out, how?"

"She turned twenty one three years ago. He's waited."

"That's creepy, Stalker Boy."

"I am not a boy, and it isn't creepy. He. Loves. Her."

Skulduggery was typing as swiftly as I was now.

"So what if he does love her? It doesn't mean she loves him." I messaged back. That would shut him up. Only it didn't.

"She's writing about him, its totally obvious she loves him."

"You lost me, she doesn't write in the story."

"She is you. You are writing the story. So therefore it is obvious."

"Right..."

"Kane deserves a kiss, especially now that he knows he's waited three years for you to say anything and that you feel the same way for him as he does for you."

"I think you're the Mayor of Crazy Town."

"I think you're hiding behind your characters, Valkyrie Cain."

I whipped my head up and saw Skulduggery staring at me intently. He typed without looking down and I opened his message. "Kiss. Scene. Now."

"Yeah, but if I'm writing a story I can't kiss you, now can I?"

"I didn't mean the characters." He said. Then he was standing over me, lifting me to him, pulling me into a kiss so deep I saw blackness then a universe of stars. When we at last parted I nuzzled back into him.

"You're right, they do deserve a kiss scene, both of them." At that he pulled me into another kiss and we both forgot about the story.

* * *

 **Note: So far as I know nobody ships the Reverend Henry Kane and Carol Anne. Though it wouldn't surprise me if they did.**


	10. The Skeleton Detective

A/N: I don't own Skulduggery, Valkyrie, or Gordon. The scene takes place in Gordon's study. Val is about 22, Skulduggery is seated in a leather chair Gordon had for guests. This was originally a stand alone story that I decided would fit in nicely here.

* * *

Skulduggery sighed. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, to tell her at last. But she seemed oblivious to him attentions. True, he was being subtle, but Valkyrie Cain was no fool. She had to know how he felt about her. True also that he never put it into words, but surely he didn't have to. He sighed again, flinching slightly when he heard her enter the room.

Valkyrie tilted her head slightly, smiling as she always did when she say him in a way that melted his heart. But he couldn't speak, perhaps if she thought he was meditating she'd go away and let him collect himself. "Skulduggery?" She asked. He didn't dare move.

 _Just hold perfectly still, she'll go away._ He had been feeling tired lately come to think of it, perhaps if he did meditate now it would be for the best.

"Skulduggery?" Her face was centimeters from his, her hand was on his shoulder, he could feel her warm breath on his face and it was all he could do to not react. Still, he didn't dare move. He watched her back away, but she still spoke, back turned to him.

"Did I do something wrong? Is that why you're not speaking to me?" It broke his heart, but he met her with silence. She could never do anything wrong in his eyes, except to not return his love. He had to stay still, not let her know he was awake.

She turning, frowned at him slightly. What was she angry about now? But then she fetched a blanket and covered him. He almost jumped at the gesture. Never, in a million years had she done something like this. The warmth of the blanket was soothing. Odd, he'd never thought of using one before, but then, he reminded himself, he didn't deserve such comforts. _Still it was nice of her._

She was looking at him now, hands thrust into her pockets. When had she picked up that bad habit from him? Her mobile rang and she answered. "Hi, Tanith. No, everything's fine. No, he's meditating right now. Yeah." She tilted her head, frowned thoughtfully.

"Well I can't tell him that, you know that. Well because he isn't interested, that's why. Uh-huh, yeah. Talk to you later, sister. Bye."

 _I'm not interested in what?_ Skulduggery felt his non-existent heart leap. Surely she wasn't interested in him.

Valkyrie had gotten down a slim book of her uncle's he'd never seen before. She glanced over at him, smiled softly, and began to read. Something in the book made her smile. A few pages later and she was grinning broadly now, her finger tracing something in the book. Echo Gordon chose that time to make an appearance.

"Ah, my masterwork. My magnum opus. Do you like the illustrations? I did them myself."

Valkyrie smiled at him. "I love them. But you took a risk writing this for me, if he ever found it I'd have all sorts of interesting questions to answer."

Gordon smiled. "Tell him my muse had struck and I simply had to write. Besides you deserve to have the man you love in print, if not in reality. I'm afraid you take after me in that regards, but c'est la vie."

 _She's in love. But with whom?_ Skulduggery congratulated himself on this bit of detective work, neither one of them suspected a thing. He realized both of them had stopped speaking. He flicked his gaze over. Gordon was leaning the best he could against a bookcase and Valkyrie was nearing the end of the little volume. How he wanted to know what was in it! He'd simply have to pay attention to where she put it. He smiled smugly to himself.

Gordon, spoke, almost laughing. "So whats your favorite part, anything you'd care to read out loud? Don't be shy, my ego could use the praise." Valkyrie blushed, flipped back in the book, pointed out a passage. Gordon nodded, pleased with himself. Skulduggery fought the urge to just go grab the book. He lost all self control when he was around her. God only knew which of the simpering boys she had dated was in the book.

Gordon drew himself up to his full height, gestured with one hand out. "Truly my favorite passage as well. There is something so humbling to the male ego when she has to trap him into a confession of his love. I especially like the bit about seeing his expression change. How she can read his moods, even though he is, shall we say, a skeleton."

Skulduggery felt his heart drop, Did they know he was awake? Were the mocking him? His gaze flicked to Valkyrie, but she was looking at Gordon. "Yeah, but she was in love with him too, don't forget, so your device of using a room like this one so SHE could confess to him first, well that was brilliant."

Gordon smiled, happily, agreed, and retreated to the Echo Stone. Valkyrie stood and stretched, replacing the slim volume in a drawer even Skulduggery didn't know about in Gordon's desk. _The little sneak._ She gave him one last smile, then left the room. When he heard her go downstairs and heard the TV clicked on he rose from the chair and fetched the book. She could have at least locked the drawer to make it a challenge.

Still, the slim red volume bore the title 'The Skeleton Detective' on the front. That at least was interesting, he skimmed the text, noticing both how first rate the sketches were and how they looked exactly like himself and Valkyrie.

He became absorbed in how each small story was from her point of view. Though clearly the part about falling in love with him she had neglected to mention to him. He read on, finding the scene she spoke of. Set in Gordon's study. With him asleep in the chair, with the same exact words spoken. With the Skeleton Detective being awake and listening to every word they said. It went on about Gordon retreating and Valkyrie going downstairs to put the TV on. All he had to do to finish the scene was to go tell her how he felt.

Smiling to himself, the Skeleton Detective pocketed the book and headed for the stairs.

* * *

 **Um, OK, unless both Echo Gordon and Valkyrie psychic Val's confession would be a bit hard to set up. Which I only realized after it played out. Can't win them all. Still cute though.**


	11. Speechless: Valduggery

A/N: I don't own Skulduggery, Valkyrie or Ghastly. Madam Lovegate is mine, though. Val is in her 20s here, no set age. This one seems a little strange to me, because Skulduggery has such rapid mood swings. But his did in book 4, so maybe that was my inspiration. That and he _is_ a little crazy. Well a lot crazy. But that's why the fangirls love him. Enjoy!

* * *

Valkyrie looked out of the windscreen, thinking. Skulduggery had changed lately. Not just the way he had changed after the Faceless Ones had tortured him, but for the worse. He was short tempered, almost unstable. He now refused to train her in combat, and any ideas she had of magical training he froze with one glare.

She couldn't even believe it when he had frostily informed her THEY were wanted at the Sanctuary. As if THEY was suddenly a problem. She sighed, unfortunately drawing the ire of Detective Pleasant. "What is it now?" He snapped, braking roughly as they parked in front of the Sanctuary.

"Nothing, I didn't realize I said anything, sorry." He fixed her with another glare. Saying nothing in reply he got out and strode to the Sanctuary leaving Valkyrie behind.

* * *

Now inside, she was in for more rude surprises. The Elders, Bespoke and Lovegate, greeted her kindly, seeming not to notice the waves of hostility flowing off of Skulduggery. Bespoke smiled, gave her a wink. That meant a case! Good, maybe Skulduggery was just frustrated with nothing to do.

"Detectives Pleasant, Cain-" Ghastly began, but Skulduggery cut him off.

"Don't call her that. She isn't a real detective." His voice was icy, hateful. Lovegate gasped in horror, looking at Valkyrie in pity. Ghastly just sighed and buried his face in his hands. She ducked her head, her face burning. If he had a problem with her, did he have to make it public?

"But she's your partner..." Madam Lovegate, the newest Elder faltered.

"She's no partner of mine." Skulduggery snarled in response.

The room fell silent. This wasn't one of his jokes, she's done something, somehow, and he hated her for it, but what? Valkyrie's mind raced back over the last few weeks. Had she missed a call, said something she shouldn't?

Nobody was saying anything, so Valkyrie spoke up. "I think it would be better if Detective Pleasant handled this case on his own, Elders." She respectfully inclined her head to them, and left.

* * *

She'd taken a taxi home. Not long after she arrived at Gordon's mansion, her mobile rang. Tanith.

"Hello?" Valkyrie answered.

"Valkyrie?" Tanith's voice, upset.

"Who else would it be? It is my number you dialed." Valkyrie cringed at the anger in her own voice. "I'm sorry, Tanith, I didn't meant that. Skulduggery, well, you know by now. What did I do wrong?" She winced even more at the plaintive note in her voice. Pathetic.

Tanith's voice was soothing in reply. "I don't think you did anything wrong. The elders have refused to let him take any case, period. As soon as you left he was rational again, accepted the decision calmly. Did you two fight?"

"No! I keep trying to think of something I said or did, but nothing is coming to me. He's even blocked my calls, Tanith."

There was a long silence. Then Tanith spoke, softly. "He doesn't want you as a partner anymore Val, I'm sorry. And he doesn't want to see you. I wish I could tell you what to do, but I can't. Skulduggery has a dark past, maybe it is just catching up to him. I'm sorry." A soft click and the line went dead.

Valkyrie felt numb.

* * *

Later that night as she tried to read in the massive bed in Gordon's old bedroom, her thoughts were racing. She had said something, had done something to make him this angry, she knew she had, but what? She hard a tapping sound at the window, and went over, hopeful. But nothing. She turned around to go back to bed and Skulduggery Pleasant stood in front of her, arms folded, skull cocked to one side. Most of the rage seemed to to be gone, but he was still clearly displeased.

"Skulduggery!" She breathed happily, engulfing him in a mammoth embrace, feeling his ribs and she drew him even closer. She had to tell him, he had to know how sorry she was. "Skulduggery I am so sorry for whatever I did, and I'm even more sorry for not realizing it hurt you so much. You are my best friend, the one person I can't imagine being without."

He stood stiffly, not returning her embrace, saying nothing. But Valkyrie was determined, so she only tightened her hold, burying he face in his shirt front, breathing in his scent for courage. "Skulduggery, I swear to you, there isn't anything you could ever have asked of me, ever, that I wouldn't willingly give to you. You've been a finer teacher, protector, and mentor than I ever deserved. You've given me everything you ever could, and I can never repay you because I don't have anything worthy to give. You all I've ever wanted in a partner and friend. You're my hero. I adore you, Skulduggery."

She went to let go, but his bony arms folded around her. "In what way?" He rasped. "In what way to you adore me?" Valkyrie tilted her head up to meet his gaze. Even without the features of a living man he looked so sad, she knew she had to choose her words carefully. He brought up a gloved hand to caress her cheek. When she paused to consider he continued. "Do you love me as a man, is that what you're trying to tell me?" His velvet voice was barely a whisper, but it still gave her courage, still flooded her heart with pure joy.

"Yes, Skulduggery, I do. I know it must disappoint you but, yes I'm in love with you." He let go of her, stepped back several paces.

His head tilted. "Then why did you say you didn't?" He sounded hurt, confused.

"What? I've never said anything like that to you, ever, Skulduggery. You know I haven't."

"In training, two weeks ago. I told you you loved me. You said you'd never love me."

"Skulduggery! You had me in a headlock at the time, it hurt! Of course I said I didn't love you, it hurt! My neck is still sore, and I'd never had said it if I knew what you meant."

"Oh! I didn't think of it like that. But then you aren't very good with words, so I forgive myself."

"You what?" She asked in disbelief.

"Well, you never were, Valkyrie, but I forgive you. You aren't brilliant like I am."

"What?" "She was seething now.

"Did anyone ever tell you you tend to repeat yourself a lot? Because you do. But if you could say what you really mean, like me, then I wouldn't have tried to get you fired from the Sanctuary." He must have seen the anger on her face, and chose to ignore it, waving his hand airily. "But I can fix that. This whole thing was just a whole misunderstanding. You misunderstood me, and that's natural."

Valkyrie gaped. "Of all the self-centered, egotistical things I've ever heard, that takes the biscuit! You don't think you did anything wrong, do you?"

"No." He said, smugly. He was smiling now, she could tell.

"You are an exasperating man." She growled.

"Yet, you love me." Valkyrie glared at him. "And luckily for you, I love you too. So I forgive you for misunderstanding me. Though you should really try harder next time, Valkyrie."

Valkyrie would have slapped him a good one, but he chose that moment to kiss her, knowing full well from her contented sigh she'd forgiven him for the last few days. Not of course, that he did anything that needed forgiving.

* * *

 **It was originally a stand alone one-shot, but I think it works nicely here too.**


	12. Shopping

A/N: I don't own Valkyrie, Skulduggery, Gordon, Ghastly, or the Dead Men. Val is in her 20s I guess.

* * *

It was a few days before Christmas, and my partner, Skulduggery Pleasant, was behaving very strangely. He'd called out of the blue and picked me up at Uncle Gordon's mansion and now we were walking the streets of Dublin, admiring Christmas displays and all the holiday booths that had been set out for some Christmas fair I'd never heard of.

As we walked by a hot chocolate stand Skulduggery had insisted I get one, and now he was debating what type of hot sugared nuts I'd enjoy best. I felt his curious gaze from behind his disguise and fumbled for an answer. "Uh, cashews." I offered and he nodded, buying me a huge cone to take home then a cone for there. Then he bought several more.

"Christmas gifts." He assured me. I wanted to ask in the worst way if he was feeling all right, but his velvety voice was approaching cheerful for once, not grumpy or snappish so I let it slide. Though when he stopped at a booth and accepted a red scarf to put over the black one of his disguise I wondered.

"Now we're a matched set." He said happily as he tapped the red in my jacket, then slung a friendly arm around me.

"Now you're being silly." I said, resisting the urge to cuddle in like I used to when I was little. But he didn't object to a friendly arm slung around him, at least.

"I'm never silly." He insisted playfully. But he was being silly and I knew why suddenly. It was my first Christmas without my family and he was helping me cope. It brought a lump to my throat that I sipped my coco to cover. "You've awfully quiet. Thinking of the tree you'd like?" He asked gently.

"Tree?" I asked doubtfully.

"Yes, my most loyal combat accessory, a tree. We'll be meeting with some experts later I hired at no small expense." He said then waited patiently for it to dawn on me as we walked.

"You're taking me to the Dead Men anti-Christmas party?" I asked excitedly and he nodded. "Wow, it's like getting to go to a Festivus party, only better." I said in awe and he chuckled.

"Usually, but Ghastly and the others want you to have a nice Christmas, so you'll indulge them by going tree and ornament shopping tonight. They knew I'd be taking you on a dry run this morning. I'll give you some advice and you know how I hate repeating myself, so listen up." He said and stopped withdrawing his arm to stuff his hands in his pockets. I stopped with him, withdrawing my arm and paying attention for once.

"You get to choose how you handle the holidays, Valkyrie Cain. You and no one else. Don't become like us if you can avoid it." He said gently. I could sense his smile even behind his disguise and smiled in return.

 _This_ , I thought, _is going to be the strangest Christmas ever._

* * *

 **Now was that short or what? But I wanted to get it out of my system. Christmas in July and all that jazz.**


	13. Shopping 2

A/N: I don't own Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Ghastly, Anton, Erskine, Dexter or Saracen.

* * *

"Well then, I need you to come home with me for the afternoon. More practical that way, and you can help me decide something." Skulduggery had said. And so he'd drove me home, insisting I could safely sip my coco inside the Bentley. _This is it._ I thought as he turned on the radio and Christmas carols came on. _The is the year he cracks up on Christmas._

But when we got to his house Skulduggery tilted his head at me when we got to the living room. Well, one of them. "Now then, this is why we needed to come home because I need you to figure out where your tree will go before you pick it."

"But- A tree, here? That would mean I was staying." I said, confused.

"That it does." He agreed. "That's your Christmas gift this year, Valkyrie Cain. I don't like the idea of you alone in that mansion and you already have a room here, so yes, you'd be living here. As long as you like. Say a century or so."

"I can move in?" I asked excitedly and he nodded, clearly amused. "Really?" I asked. Another nod from him. "Thank you, Skulduggery!" I said, grabbing him in a tight hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I said, hugging tighter. I heard his pleased chuckle, then her ruffled my hair fondly.

And Skulduggery did his best to make the day nice for me, and we picked out a spot for the tree together. I looked at him as we got ready to go see the other Dead Men. I knew how hard it had to be on him, without my own family, I knew. But I also knew he was doing his best to be a good friend and that maybe he wanted a Christmas with me. "Flocked or unflocked? Real or artifical?" I asked teasingly and he paused as he wrapped his scarf securely.

"Artifical?" He asked, peering at me in shock. "Oh, mais non, young lady. We men are taking you real tree shopping. And for ornaments. Tasteful ones, of course." He said, his mood brightening. "And maybe a few decorations in lieu of them buying you presents. And dinner at one of the booths, I think." He said, the idea growing on him considerably.

And he was right. We met our friends at Ghastly's shop. Not all of them could make it, but Ghastly was there as well as Erskine. Both men hugged me tightly and murmured "Merry Christmas, Val." or something like it to me. Then Anton came forward as well, capturing me in a tighter hug.

"I would have offered you free room and board, but Skulduggery got to you first." He said when he at last released me. "He's a lucky man, Val." Anton said fondly, and I blinked, not sure what he meant but smiled in reply.

Ghastly soon has us loaded into the van, Erskine sitting with him and they were obviously plotting something. Anton sat behind Skulduggery and me, and soon enough we were back at the same Christmas fair. But now their were different sellers in many of the booths and Christmas lights sparkled everywhere. "Wow." I said, getting out and drinking in the city lit up for the holidays.

"Wow indeed." Skulduggery agreed. "To the tree lot first, I think." He said and we strolled over. There were already people there, but what caught my attention were two familiar men waiting for us.

"Hello, Val, good to see you." Dexter said grabbing me in a hug, then stepping away so Saracen could hug me as well.

"I'd have offered to take you to see the world, or Dex would have, but Skulduggery got you first." Saracen whispered. "Lucky man."

"Uh, yeah." I said, utterly confused. But we were soon catching up as we went through the trees so I could find the perfect one. I found her, and of course she had to be the most expensive tree there. So I pretended to pass her over, but Skulduggery laid a hand on my shoulder.

"I saw your face when you found her, Val. Get her and don't you dare reach for your wallet." He said, his velvety voice warm and comforting. So he got the tree, and I was utterly touched.

Dexter and Saracen were in charge of dinner for all of us, and got dripping roast beef sandwiches at a booth and fries and black coffee or tea for everyone. We found a picnic bench big enough for all of us in a tent with machines blowing warm air to keep us toasty. Skulduggery produced the cones of nuts as their gifts and Saracen brightened considerably. "Dessert!" He said happily and everyone at our table laughed.

So we lingered, catching up more. "It was nice of you two to invite us for Christmas dinner, Val." Ghastly said. "And to have us each bring something. Less cooking for you two." I nodded. Skulduggery hadn't said a word.

"The list of what we should each bring was thoughtful." Saracen put in teasingly. "Afraid you'd end up with all pies or sweet potatoes with marshmallows?" He teased.

"I don't see what you men are complaining about." Skulduggery said. "You won't have wild men as houseguests." He grumbled good naturedly and I hugged him tightly in response. "Don't hug me yet, it means sharing your shower." He said, laughing.

"I don't mind." I said, and I didn't.

* * *

Anton and Skulduggery were in charge of helping me select the ornaments and Anton was actually smiling when I told him about the year my mother and I made ornaments together. "Do boys do that?" I asked and he nodded as we strolled along.

"Indeed we do. I remember finding pine cones and other things. No money for gilding back then, but the nuts I'd managed to save from my hungry brothers in the fall and kept safe from the mice were very welcome at the table that year." He said fondly.

Anton loved the homemade ornaments and natural ones and Skulduggery decided they were tasteful enough so the seller carefully wrapped each one in tissue paper before she bagged them for us. I had to blink rapidly, remembering how my mom showed so much care when she'd put ornaments away.

Skulduggery liked elegant ornaments, or more specifically anything that reminded him of himself. We were passing a booth of ornaments that looks like they were meant for either Halloween or the Day of the Dead and he stopped, utterly smitten with all the skulls. There was even a toy one who opened and closed his jaws when you pulled on a string. The craftswoman smiled. "I make them myself, I can even add a personality for no extra charge, perhaps a hat like yours, to make him look like you, Sir?" She offered.

"Wonderful. And you have no idea how much he'll look like me." Skulduggery assured her.

Ghastly was in charge of helping me select the angel for the tree. Once we'd found what we all agreed was the most beautiful angel he looked at me from behind his own disguise of a warm hat and woolen scarf. "I hope you realize this will be a tradition, Val." He said, his blue eyes dancing. "You get houseguests every year from now on." He said and I hugged him tightly in response.

He laughed softly, then led the way back to the van. "I'll drive to my place so Skulduggery can get the Bentley, but you're welcome to ride with us." He offered.

"I think you might need to drive back tomorrow." I said. And we all looked at Skulduggery, already deep in meditation from our long day.

* * *

 **Now that was sweet and fluffier than a basket of kittens. Ah, the fluffiness. And yes, all of the Dead Men had hoped to scoop up Val for their own, but Skulduggery got there first.**


	14. The Claw Machine: Valduggery

A/N: I don't own Skulduggery or Valkyrie. Val's an adult, I guess. I was bitted by an evil plot bunny, so this is so not my fault. Sorry to take so long to update!

* * *

Valkyrie stepped into the video game arcade and stopped. It was after hours and there were no customers, but the machines had been left on and all the competing songs and flashing lights would easily have hid the subtle sounds of a a bad guy sneaking up behind her. Valkyrie tried really hard not to keep glancing behind her as she crept forward.

A machine blared to life beside her and she jumped, muffling her startled yelp with one hand. She sighed and tried to read the air then started forward slowly. Skulduggery had last been seen here right after closing time, so more than likely he was being held in a secret room, most likely being tortured even as she searched.

Valkyrie didn't like to think about that, so she made her way through the twisting labyrinth of machines slowly until she came to an opening on her left. There was just a few claw machines and she was going to pass them by until she saw the figure sitting perfectly still in one. She did a double take and saw Skulduggery Pleasant seated cross legged on top of the stuffed animal prizes, looking perfectly content. He waved a cheery hello to her and she waved back.

Valkyrie tried talking through the glass to him. "How did you get in there?" She said loudly and slowly. He shrugged as if he couldn't hear her and she had no choice but to stoop down and push the prize door open. "Skulduggery are you all right? How did you get in there?"

"Hello, Valkyrie!" He responded cheerily. "I'm quite all right, except for the machine trapping me inside. As to how I got in, it cheated. I was in here, just to look around you know, and saw the machine. And I decided to play it to try to work out something for our case."

Valkyrie popped her head up to see if he was joking but Skulduggery just looked back at her, his skull looking rather too innocent for her liking. She hunkered down again and spoke through the door she held open. "That still doesn't tell me how you got in there. Did our suspect do it?" She asked and he laughed.

"Heavens no. I climbed in."

"You- You climbed in?" She asked, sure she'd heard him wrong.

"Yes, I climbed in. I was playing the machine and almost had a teddy bear. He was right on the edge when the claw thing went loose and dropped him. It cheated, Valkyrie. So I climbed right in after it. It was for you, after all." He added sweetly and she smiled.

She didn't ask how he'd managed to wriggle through. Kids did it all the time and she supposed when he collapsed the frame he wore he could make it. She stood up and smiled at him then stood back to consider the bright red machine. How on earth could she get him out? Didn't mortals need someone to come dismantle it?

She tapped at the plexiglass, trying to figure out how it went together. She knew some older models opened fairly easily so the owner of the arcade could load them as needed. But there seemed to be no locks, not even any seams she could find, the panels disappearing behind corners that boasted strips of flashing lights. She was stumped until she wandered to the back of the machine and found a small recess. There was a lock inside and when she picked it the plexiglass panel behind Skulduggery swung open and he hopped out.

Skulduggery dusted himself off, neatly arranged the stuffed animals then locked up the machine. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and titled his head in a smile. "That was fun, actually. You ought to try it sometime." He said, then reached inside his shirt and handed Valkyrie the teddy bear.

She accepted the bear with a smile, not even thinking of telling him to put it back. "Aw. That's sweet of you Skulduggery, thank you."

"Any time." He said brightly then they left the arcade in search of the bad guy.

* * *

 **Yup, too fluffy for words. But claw machines are great fun.**


	15. Little Hero: Valduggery

A/N: I don't own Skulduggery or Valkyrie, but Liam Begley is my OC. I got bit by a rather silly plot bunny and for that I apologize. Val is 20-ish. Enjoy.

* * *

Liam Begley typed nervously, trying to get his outdated machine to run faster. There was something unnerving about how the two detectives roamed him small lab, touching things. The smartly dressed skeleton would pause every so often, looking over at the brown-haired young woman when he seemed sure she wasn't looking.

Liam felt sorry for him. He knew what it was like to be in love with a beautiful woman and not able to say anything. Small, with over-sized thick glasses and a face even his own mother didn't love, he KNEW. But he also knew why the skeleton loved her, since her smile had melted his heart the instant she flashed it at him.

As a misanthrope Liam had neglected to offer his guests anything as they waited, and when he remembered to belatedly, he figured it was too late. He typed furiously at his keyboard, trying to bring up the data for the test they required, but the computer still moved sluggishly.

He looked over at them from time to time, realized that the beautiful young woman was looking at the skeleton when she saw him not looking, and the look on her face shredded Liam's heart. He should say something, he guessed, but what? Then he knew exactly what to do, and he smiled.

* * *

Liam had instructed the pair to start working on a compound for him. A rather stretchy mass that he complained loudly his assistant was failing to work with. He had no assistant but they didn't need to know that.

"You'll both have to work at it at the same time. I should have a machine, but they never give me anything I need. Just look at the computer."

The skeleton titled his head skeptically. "If we both have to do this, how can your assistant do it alone?"

"Four arms."

"Ah."

The skeleton removed his gloves, and started to work the mass with the woman, and of course their hands kept touching and they had to stand rather close.

"Keep at it." Liam ordered gruffly, hiding his smile behind his computer screen. The two detectives obeyed, at last figuring out the way to manipulate the mass, stretching it and then compacting it until it became more flexible.

He imagined how hot it was might be off putting, but he deflected their questions as it needing to stay heated until ready for his experiment. He shook his head when the woman said it smelled sweet.

* * *

The data was coming up at last, and Liam had the detectives put the stretchy mass back into the awaiting pan and small warming box, instructing them first to press it flat, then score it ito squares, turning off the box.

He printed up the data and handed them a copy, even going so far as to make a hard file on CD for them. They looked happy, and he'd enjoyed seeing them work together. They left and he went over to the machine, all too happy that he'd remembered his mother's advice as he popped one of the squares in his mouth.

Nothing beat getting a couple together like a good old-fashioned taffy pull.

* * *

 **That was WAY too fluffy. I have shamed myself.**


	16. Skeletons: Valduggery

A/N: I don't own Skulduggery, Ghastly, Tanith, or Valkyrie. Valkyrie is about 30 here.

* * *

The bad guy was a rotten one as such men went. A third-rate sorcerer, he'd only managed to capture the great Skeleton Detective and his friends through dumb luck, and now that he had them, he didn't know what to do with them.

So he kept them chained in the old castle dungeon, realizing too late that his plan wasn't very creative. Well, Skulduggery realized it for him, and so far the skeleton hadn't shut up yet, much to his captor's dismay.

"So let me get this right, you captured us just to prove you could? Well you've proven yourself, but I must say that isn't really much of a plan. So let us go then, hmm, and we'll forget all about this? I promise not to mention this to a soul, mainly to spare you any further embarrassment."

"I can't, I'd love to, but I can't, I'm sorry!" The captor dissolved into blubbering tears and Skulduggery gave a snort of disgust. Tanith and Ghastly were content to let him do what he did best, knowing full well he'd get them free. He always did, somehow.

"Why can't you?" Skulduggery asked with a weary sigh.

"I lost the keys to your shackles, and the door to the dungeon as well, it clanged shut behind me, we're all trapped here!"

The man dissolved into tears again, and Skulduggery sighed. "Just my luck to get captured by an idiot. I'd tell you not to worry, that Valkyrie would come to the rescue, but she's gone now-"

He stopped at the distant sound of the dungeon door being blown open. But it couldn't be. She was dead, he'd seen her die. He'd attended her funeral, seen the casket lowered into the ground. But as the oh-so-familiar footsteps came closer, he knew it was her.

"Valkyrie!" He called to her as she stepped into view. The clothes were the same, but she wore a large black hat now, the wide brim obscuring the face he'd longed to see for so long. Her hands were stuffed in her pockets and there was something off about her, as if she'd lost a lot of weight.

"Skulduggery." She said softly, not looking up.

Their captor cheered to see the calvary, running straight towards Valkyrie who snapped her head up, her skeletal jaws opening in clear menace, an angry hiss escaping them. Fireballs came to the skeletal hands she withdrew from her pockets, and the man shrieked, turning to run, fainting even as he did, hitting to floor with a dull thud.

"Now that was just insulting, that's what that was." Valkyrie growled as she looked down at the man, then she turned her gaze to Skulduggery and seemed to smile, though it was hard to tell with her being a skeleton.

"Valkyrie! You came back for us, you're rescuing us, but how, why?" Skulduggery asked as she set to work on his shackles, using the lock-picks he'd bought for her.

"I've been trying to get back from the instant I passed, Skulduggery. You need a keeper, I couldn't leave you to wander around on your own, getting hurt and needing rescued as often as you do." His cuffs sprang loose and he got his own picks out, starting on Ghastly's cuffs while Valkyrie moved to Tanith.

Ghastly and Tanith both watched them in stunned silence, perhaps wondering if Skulduggery's hallucination was catching, she couldn't be there, she was dead. But she was, and Skulduggery clearly felt the need to torment her.

"I'm not that helpless. I had a brilliant plan for escape." He said smugly.

"Which was?" Valkyrie asked.

"I'm not telling. I hope you don't think I'm taking you back as a partner, Valkyrie. I have my reputation to think of, and frankly, you'd scare people." He teased.

Ghastly was free and looked from one skeleton to the other in a daze before finding his voice. "There are two of you now. Two skeleton detectives who will never shut up. Oh God, I hereby resign as an Elder." He put his face in his hands and sighed.

"You hear that, Valkyrie? You're out of a job, I bet. Maybe Uncle Gordon will take pity on you and let you back in the mansion, provided you don't scare him too badly."

Valkyrie glared at Skulduggery, straightening up as Tanith's cuffs popped open. "Big talk coming from an animated pile of bones." She growled.

"Said the skeleton." Skulduggery shot back, walking over to place his gloved hands on her shoulders before drawing her into a tight hug. "I missed you." He said softly.

"I missed you too, even if you are the village idiot." She replied, gazing up at her partner in open adoration. Skulduggery's grin broadened then, and he brought his teeth to hers, kissing his wife as he'd longed to for all those lonely months.

"Hmm, not bad. But maybe I got the wrong wife back." He teased, earning a swat.

"Ow! That was a joke, you're an evil woman, Valkyrie Cain, evil. Hitting your poor partner like that when all he is is bones."

"Cry me a river, Skulduggery."

"I was thinking more of taking you home and seeing if we can make skeleton babies, but if you insist-"

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie scolded, knowing he of course could see the blush that rose to her skeletal features, because his grin deepened as he escorted her through the castle to freedom, Tanith and Ghastly straggling behind in stunned silence.

* * *

Months had passed. They were home at last and Skulduggery turned to his beautiful wife. It had been eleven months since she had returned to them, and like any infertile couple they had used magic to bring a bundle of joy into the world.

Valkyrie was cooing to their son, who was currently holding one of her fingers in his wee skeletal jaws, though he certainly didn't need to feed. Skulduggery smiled at the sight, going to his beloved wife and placing kisses on her face with his teeth, before leaning down and brushing them ever so gently on his son's forehead.

Valkyrie returned his affections, placing their son in his arms. "You make a wonderful father, I hope you know that." She said, kissing him again. Skulduggery smiled, and rocked his son gently before placing him in his crib.

"And you make a wonderful mother, Valkyrie Cain. But now our son needs his rest, and I'm fairly certain I can get you pregnant if we try hard enough." She laughed and took his hand, letting him lead her out of their son's bedroom and into their own.

* * *

 **Told you this stuff would be fluffy, aww.**


	17. Folk Saint: Valduggery

Note: I don't own Skulduggery or Valkyrie, and don't nobody but a fool claims to own Santa Muerte. Val is about 24 here, story is from her point of view. Oh, I apologize in advance for my rubbish Spanish I only taught myself phrases here and there, sorry. ¡Lo siento! Oh, thanks go out to everyone who has faved, followed and reviewed so far. The support is truly appreciated.

* * *

I'd been cooking, not even thinking about anything but what a terrible day I was having. So I'd gotten out the tiny saint statue I'd bought while in America at University and I told her my problems while I worked. Not out loud, because even there I'd had to hide her. People took one look at her and called her scary, a monster, and it broke my heart.

I decided to make a meal I liked offering her. Ground meat, rice, black beans, diced peppers and tomatoes, onions all sort of things with a sweet tomato sauce, and of course, cocoa powder and a hint of chili powder.

"What is that?" Came a velvety voice from behind me and I froze. Skulduggery stepped around me, picked up the tiny statue, looking at it curiously. "I never knew you were religious." He said. He turned it over, had to have seen the small charms embedded in the bottom along with mustard seeds, but said nothing.

"I'm not, that's just nothing." I lied. Not wanting to face the hate, the judgment. I was tired of being told she was scary. Satanic. Evil. She was none of those things. Skulduggery gently put her back down.

"There's no reason to be ashamed of having beliefs, Valkyrie. Who is she?"

"Nobody. It's nothing. I don't even know where I got it. Just a good luck charm if that."

Skulduggery put his arms around me from behind, pulling me close. "Valkyrie, I love you. I want to understand. Why won't you tell me?"

"I told someone once, did not go well. Never want to live through that again, thank you." I stiffened, near tears, and Skulduggery turned me and held me. The tears came as did the story.

"I had no one left, Skulduggery, no one after my parents died. So when I went to America I was so lost. I know how stupid it sounds, but she found me. She saved me. She became a mother to me. I- I trusted only one other person with seeing her, and all she kept saying was how ugly she was. How evil, how scary. It broke my heart. She- the saint is like a mother to me."

"How come I've never seen her before? You don't have to hide who you are from me, Valkyrie. Not ever." Skulduggery tilted up my head and kissed me softly, then clasped me close to him again. "Of course I take all the credit here. Clearly I primed the way for her, being as charming, wonderful and loving as I am."

I laughed into his shoulder. "She's a girl, not a boy, Skulduggery. But maybe you did. I've never seen her as scary. I love her, not in some strange way, but like my mother. I know how that sounds. Forget I said anything."

"She; helped you, Valkyrie. She's your patron saint. That she doesn't look like every other saint only makes her special. Please, for my sake at least, leave her out from now on. Anyone who saved you doesn't belong locked away or hidden. I love her already for saving you."

I was about to reply when we both turned sensing a disturbance in the air currents, the air shimmered and a tall figure appeared, resplendent in her white wedding dress. She carried a sharp scythe in one hand, but beckoned me to her with the other. I went to her happily, allowing her to enfold me in her bony embrace. We parted and she tilted her head at me, and I could feel her smile. "Mija, aren't you going to introduce me?"

"Si, mi madre. Skulduggery, this is Santa Muerte, which translates into holy death or saint death as you like. Santa Muerte, this is Skulduggery, but I think you already know that."

"Si, mija, I do, but it is always lovely to be introduced." She held out her arms to Skulduggery as well and he came forward, but stopped just out of arms reach to tilt his head at her curiously.

"You're Death, then?"

"Si, I am. But all people are my children for all who are born will meet me sooner are later. Don't you have a hug for your madre then? You just said you loved me, did you not?"

Skulduggery looked slightly lost, but he let her hug him, lightly hugging her in return. She stepped back, pleased with herself. Santa Muerte tilted her head towards the pot. "Why no chiles chipotles adobados? Where are the tostadas, mija?" She gave me a hopeful glance, her dress changing into a black robe, and cooed endearingly.

"Fine. You're spoiled, you know that?" I said lovingly. I got out the chiles in the spicy sauce, adding four to the pot, then several more at her hopeful glance and I could feel her smile. I added in fresh sweet peppers as well, then let it all on to marry on a simmer.

Skulduggery looked at me. "Tostadas?"

I shrugged. "She loves them. This isn't even real Mexican food but she likes it."

"Si, mi gusta." Santa Muerte cheerfully agreed as she watched me get her out a sturdy paper plate and lay out three tostadas. "You are not eating, mija?" She asked worriedly, so I prepared a plate for myself, then joined them at the kitchen table.

"I really wasn't hungry, but if you're eating I will." I admitted, and she nodded, pleased. Skulduggery was still staring at her warily. "Skulduggery! She's about as lethal as a kitten unless someone she loves is in danger. But then she loves everyone. Death doesn't play favourties."

He relaxed slightly. "Sorry, I do apologize, you're just big, and you carry a scythe-" He gestured helplessly at the scythe she had propped against the wall and she nodded.

"Si, si. But only to protect mis hijos. My little ones, my children, and to harvest them good things. But I never seem to harvest enough for some of them. Does that make me a bad mother, mijo?" She asked him, reaching out a skeletal hand for his gloved one endearingly.

Skulduggery patted her hand and I think even he saw her delighted grin. "You're a wonderful mother if you saved Valkyrie. Thank you."

"¡De nada! She is my little one to look after, si? I wouldn't let her come to any harm." She paused, seemed to scent the air, then looked at me. I nodded and got up, topping each plate with a ladle of the homemade chili for each tostada, then adding Mexican cheese and cream cheese on top. I put fresh sweet peppers on the side and several chipolte peppers in the adobo sauce as well.

I set down her plate first as was only polite, and we ate, though I swear she inhaled her food. I remembered I had pineapple soda from Goya as well and that too disappeared in a wink. We retired to the living room with instant coffee I'd imported from Mexico.

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Not to be rude, but where does the food go when you eat?"

Santa Muerte laughed in delight. "It fills my belly, there are plusses to being death, mijo." She was clearing coaxing him so he nodded then spoke again.

"Si, madre." The two simple words seemed to melt her heart, for she promised us blessings. She downed her coffee, hugged us both, then gestured and her scythe appeared in her hand. Her robes changed color, first gold, then white, then pulsing, dancing through the rainbow of colors she wore, and she swung her scythe wide and high over us in benediction. She faded from view and I turned to Skulduggery with a slight smile.

"She's never done that before, obviously. Appeared in a solid form, I mean."

He pulled me close, kissing me deeply before he replied. "I didn't think she had from the look of wonder on your face. Now are there any other saints in your closet?"

"Well there's Jesús Malverde, but it isn't like he's ever appeared or anything."

"You are a woman of many secrets, Valkyrie Cain. But I'm glad you haven't kept falling in love with me a secret, and I hope you're proud of me and not ashamed of me, even if I am a skeleton and people might think I'm a monster too."

I blinked back instant tears. "I never thought of it that way. I hid her from you to protect myself from hearing what you might have to say, thinking you'd judge her, but you're right. No more hiding her, ever again, and certainly no hiding you ever."

Skulduggery removed his gloves, and brushed a skeletal hand against my cheek. "Do you mean it, will you marry me?"

"Yes, Skulduggery, I'll marry you." He kissed me tenderly in response, and I silently thanked Santa Muerte for blessing me with such a good man.

* * *

 **I'd like to point out here and now that Santa Muerte is not just a narco saint nor is Jesús Malverde. Both are Mexican folk saints and more that happy to protect and help anyone with a loving heart and an open mind, end lecture.**

 **Translations:**

 **Lo siento: I'm sorry.**

 **Mija: My daughter, sweetheart (female)**

 **Mijo: My son, sweetheart (male)**

 **De nada: You're welcome, no problem**

 **Mis hijos: My children**

 **Si: Yes**

 **Mi Gusta: I love, I love that**

 **tostadas: flat crispy shells**

 **chiles chipotles adobados: Chipotle peppers in adobo sauce**


	18. Dance in the Graveyards

I don't own Skulduggery, Valkyrie, or Ghastly. Val is about 24 here, yeah almost the same age I always make her. Dance in the Graveyards is a wonderful song by Delta Rae.

* * *

Delta Rae's "Dance in the Graveyards" had blared out of the battery operated radio, awakening me. It was cold where I was, and the thinly padded coffin hurt my back. I had needed rest after my ordeal, and now I hoped I wasn't too late as I hurriedly dressed.

I walked rapidly towards my house, wondering if my partner and spouse was all right. I felt odd, disjointed, and I shook my head in irritation. I could not be going to pieces now, having just been through the excruciating pain of putting myself back together.

A low growl escaped my clenched teeth. My bones still ached and I felt like taking it out on somebody. Seeing that the door the house had been blown inwards I slowed and crept into the shadows. Any stupid move on my part could result in harm to my partner.

I shook my head, trying to clear it. I still felt slightly muzzy, but I was grateful the instructions for my burial had been followed. The extra clothes and key to the door of the above ground tomb had come in handy. I supposed having my bones arranged neatly in the open coffin had been hard on the mourners, but I had had my reasons.

I edged closer, pulling out my gun. I didn't want to shoot the bad guy, but right then I didn't trust my magic. I crept inside the house, listening. I sensed more than heard a rhythmic sound coming from the upper floor and crept up the stairs, hugging the wall, on alert for any surprise attackers.

The door to the bedroom was ajar, and a rather large and ugly man had my partner and beloved spouse down on the floor and the sound was the repeated punches he was throwing. My partner lay still, not even fighting back, and I feared I was too late.

I crept to the door, looking inwards, the prone figure was alive, but barely. But why was there no attempt at self-defense? Then I saw it, the expression of despair. Of course, why fight back when you wanted to join the spouse you buried two days after your wedding? I caught my reflection in the mirror and hoped the bad guy would see the hate written on my skeletal features, I really hoped he would.

I burst into the room with a roar, picking him up, starting to throw punches of my own. I was much stronger than I remembered and it didn't take too many hits until his face was a mess. I was snarling, hitting, then I remembered I was a Sanctuary detective and forced myself to be calm and got out my cuffs, but not before I whipped my gun across his face for good measure.

"I'm placing you under arrest for the murder of a Sanctuary detective, and the attempted murder of a second." I growled, snapping them on. The man looked from my partner, to me, then back and forth several more times and started screaming. I backhanded him and he fell silent.

I got out my mobile and called the Sanctuary for a van to pick him up, then turned to my partner and husband. He was sitting up staring at me in shock. "Valkyrie?" He breathed.

"Yes, Skulduggery?"

"You're, you're-" He stammered slightly, gazing at me with his jaw hanging open in shock as he managed to stand.

"Deader than dirt? Much thinner that I used to be? Really achy and in a bad mood from piecing myself together? Yes, all those things. You weren't kidding, it hurt. Badly. The good thing is, I never have to eat again, the bad thing is I've got no face." I shrugged.

Skulduggery came forward, clasping me to him tightly. "Nonsense, you have a very sweet face, but then female skeletons usually do." He purred, cupping my jaw gently and placing a chaste kiss on my teeth. Bone to bone felt strange, but in a good way.

I pulled back hoping he could see my grin. "I find it a tad disturbing you can tell the difference to be honest, but I'll take you at your word. Speaking of words, I don't hold you to yours of, what was it, a week ago? Death having parted us, and all."

"Three days, and nonsense. Your still my wife, and you came back to me." His voice was full of wonder and he dipped his head until his forehead rested on mine.

"I told you I would so long as you followed the instructions. You do realize it isn't shock and that I am a skeleton?" I asked gently.

I felt him looking deep into my eye sockets then he nodded. The van of Cleavers arrived at that time and hauled off the suspect who seemed to have gone catatonic from the sight of two skeletons who could talk. How rude.

"Why didn't you fight back? Don't you know how much it would have hurt me to come back and find you, well deader than you are now?" It was supposed to be a touching moment, but we both laughed.

Skulduggery grinned at me. "I wanted to be with you. I let my guard down and it sounds stupid, but I was hoping I'd either join you or you'd show up and rescue me." Skulduggery stepped back, folding his arms, head tilted awaiting my reaction. I could tell he was pleased with what to him was a brilliant plan.

I sighed, closing what now passed for my eyes. "I married a thickheaded man."

"Skeleton." He cheerfully corrected.

I shook my head. "Poor Ghastly is going to be so upset with two of us to annoy him. What on Earth do we do with ourselves anyhow?"

"Catch bad guys, meditate, catch more bad guys. Annoy Ghastly, catch more bad guys. Hit people."

I laughed and Skulduggery took me back into his arms, kissing me once more. I was home and I had a partner and husband that still loved me. Life, or death, was good.

* * *

 **Stupid plot bunnies will not leave me alone.**


	19. Sisters

A/N: I don't own Tanith, Valkyrie, Skulduggery, or Ghastly. Tiryns is my OC though. This will hopefully be the first in several adventures for Tanith and Valkyrie. Val is 24 here. Tanith is back and Remnant free. This was originally the first chapter, hence the name matching the miniseries. Enjoy! Thanks go out to **Rowan Masechius** and **Lightening sparks** for the faves and reviews and to **China Sorrows 400** for the review.

* * *

Tanith crouched lower, holding her sword down towards the ground. Beside her Valkyrie was tense, a bundle of nerves that had nothing to do with the roaring Cyclops standing in the middle of the field. "I thought Cyclopes weren't real." Valkyrie muttered.

"And who told you that, I wonder?" Tanith asked in amusement.

"Skulduggery." She replied, hanging her head down and flushing.

Tanith laughed. "You believe everything that man tells you. You fancy him, don't you?"

"I do not!" Valkyrie shouted, clamping a hand over her mouth when the Cyclops turned his baleful eye in their direction.

"Oh, now you did it." Tanith said gleefully. The Cyclops frowned in their direction, took a few ground-shaking steps forward, the leather armour he wore creaking slightly. Then he stopped, puzzled.

"Who's there?" He asked in a raspy voice.

Valkyrie couldn't help herself. "Nobody." She answered cheekily.

The Cyclops roared and stamped his feet in frustration. "That isn't funny! I hate that story, nothing but a pack of lies. That Homer was a rotten fellow."

The women stepped out, curious. Tanith spoke. "I don't mean to be rude, but you sound English."

"Of course." The Cyclops answered proudly. "Born and bred."

"But I've never seen-"

"Oh that. Right. We have to stay hidden, don't we? Live underground now so your kind won't hunt us. Well, all right then, if that's how it is. Come on! Let's fight!" He roared again, brandishing the wooden club he held, but neither woman moved. His shoulders sagged. "I'm not scary enough, is that it?"

"No, not at all." Valkyrie reassured him. "But well, you seem so nice, it would be a pity to just fight you. I don't suppose you could just pay for the sheep you've eaten?

"They're my sheep now, I took them, didn't I? Just like you Light Worlders took the Earth from us."

"Well, we're really sorry about that." Valkyrie said. "But I honestly don't feel like fighting you today. Sorry."

The Cyclops frowned, looking at her. A look of surprise crossed his face and his voice became gentle. "Boy problems, is it?"

"More like man problems, but yeah."

"More like skeleton problems." Tanith interjected.

"Aw, be nice to her. It's jolly rotten for a girl, I know. Got seventeen sisters myself. My name's Tiryns, by the way."

Valkyrie smiled at him. "A pleasure to meet you, Tiryns." She held out her hand and he shook it, his massive hand gently engulfing hers.

"I'm sorry about the sheep. Truth is, we Cyclopes have no money. But we are strong. You think they want some work done in exchange? I'm good with my hands." They all agreed that was a fine idea, and luckily the farmer was a sorcerer, so he didn't mind the sheep at all when he heard how it was and happily took Tiryns on to work for a few days.

That night at her apartment Tanith polished her sword while Valkyrie watched videos on her mobile. Tanith smiled when she heard the Bee Gees come on singing 'How Can You Mend a Broken Heart', but looked up at Valkyrie's sigh.

"You know, maybe that isn't the best song for you to hear right now." She pointed out gently.

"Oh it isn't the song, it's the suits."

"Ah. He doesn't even know, does he?"

"No! And you're not to say anything either."

"I wouldn't. Seriously, we're sisters, remember? I just want to kill him for not noticing you is all." The women laughed.

"He would look really good in the turtleneck and sports jacket though. How come men don't dress like that anymore?" Valkyrie grumbled.

"Some do. I like how Ghastly dresses."

"You like everything about Ghastly."

"True."

"You think he's serious?"

"I hope so, but he hasn't said anything yet. You know, he could put in a word with Skulduggery."

"God, no. Skulduggery would just use it as one more thing to tease me about and annoy me with."

"I could have him see how Skulduggery feels then."

"Maybe. No, I don't want to know. Ever since I saw him dance with China-"

"China's the village bicycle, everyone's had a ride."

"Tanith!"

"What it's true. Don't tell me she hasn't come on to you, she did it to me as well."

"Gross. But yeah, she did."

"See? I wouldn't let it worry you then. Even if it did happen, he's not with her now. I'll just bet he's waiting for you to make the first move."

"I did. When we were in the Sanctuary fighting yet another bad guy. I told him I loved him, and he said he could walk away from his feelings."

"Cor! That's cold. What did you say?"

"I just laughed, what else could I do?"

"Good point. But when he and Ghastly get back from their own mission I want you to say something, little sister. You're twenty four now. You're far old enough to tell a man how you feel about him."

Valkyrie sighed. "Maybe. I just don't want to loose him as a friend, you know? That and I'm afraid that if he rejects me I'll shoot him with his own gun."

Tanith smiled. "Well, whatever you decide I'm fine with. Now how about switching that depressing thing off and going for Chinese with me?"

"Deal."

* * *

 **Well, there it is, hope you liked it. It was supposed to be a battle, but Tiryns really is a sweet Cyclops, sheep-nicking habits aside.**


	20. The Craic

A/N: I don't own Tanith, Valkyrie, or Skulduggery. Prolix Loquacious and Erin are my OCs. By the way, I'm American, I just find annoying American characters hysterically funny.

* * *

Tanith and Valkyrie struggled against the ropes uselessly. They had endured a lot of torture but this was the worst. The device of there pain was perfectly insidious, a computer sat across from them, looping an endless track of Enya's 'Orinoco Flow (Sail Away)'.

Valkyrie sagged. "I used to love that song, I used to love Enya. I used to love Ireland. But now I hate all three. Do you know why? Because if there was no Ireland, there'd be no Enya, and with no Enya, no song. I want to cry now, I really do."

Their captor, Erin go Bragh (no seriously, that was his Taken Name) entered the room. He spoke, his overly done Irish accent grating on them. "Well, have you fine colleens realized yet that I mean you no harm? I just want a friendly craic 'tis all."

Valkyrie gritted her teeth. "Erin? You have to shut off the music, and let us go. You are not going to convince anyone you're Irish no matter what you do to them. First off, you pronounce it, Éirinn go Brách, and it is a phrase not a name, you stupid American."

Erin's head jerked back. He turned off the computer and his accent disappeared, replaced by one Valkyrie couldn't quite place. "Fine. You want to play hardball, we'll play hard ball. NOBODY over here accepts me. Nobody can understand I _feel_ Irish, I don't care if I wasn't born with a drop of Irish blood! I am Irish, in my spirit."

He thumped his chest, pausing for dramatic effect. Tanith snorted. "Why can't the nice, normal Americans ever visit? You've got a country full of them. No, they only send you barking mad gits over here."

"I am not a whatever you just called me." He screeched.

"It means 'idiot' idiot." Valkyrie sneered.

Erin glared down at her. "That's a fine way to talk to an Irishman."

"American."

"Irishman." He insisted, his accent returning in full force.

Valkyrie sighed. "Fine, Irishman. As a good Irish lad let's say you untie us, and we'll have that lovely craic over a spot of tea, hmm?" Erin, fool that he was, untied them. The last thing he saw before the blackness took him was Valkyrie's fist headed for his face.

* * *

The two women walked back to civilization over abandoned railroad tracks. "You know, maybe we shouldn't have tied him up like that. What if nobody finds him?" Tanith asked.

"Oh, he'll be found all right. Not too many people know this, but Skulduggery has a twin brother who loves to talk ever more than he does. Right about now he and Erin are having a lovely craic."

"That's cruel and unusual punishment sis, I like it."

* * *

Meanwhile, having been left tied to the chair, Erin wanted to die. Skulduggery's twin Prolix Loquacious did talk more than him. Lord, how he talked. In fact he never shut up. Ever. He was delighted when Erin's feeble squeaks and gibbers stopped interrupting him and just talked, and talked, and talked, and talked. Then he talked some more of course.

* * *

 **I HAD to give Skulduggery a twin brother who talks more than him. Isn't he awesome? He'd annoy even Skulduggery, who never mentioned him because he never stops talking. Ever.**


	21. Motherhood- Valduggery

A/N: I don't own Tanith or Valkyrie, Ghastly, or Skulduggery. Before you ask, no, Ghastly's mom wasn't named as of book seven. Val is about 28 here. Tanith is of course back and Remnant free. Because I have mad Jean Luc Picard skills and said 'Make it so'.

* * *

Valkyrie stood in Tanith and Ghastly's apartment, admiring the newborn. "Hey, little cutie." She cooed, tickling the newborn softly under the chin. She looked up at Tanith, whose motherly pride shone in her eyes. "What's her name?"

"We picked out Breá for Ghastly's mother."

"That's wonderful, sis. What's it like, being a mum?" She asked wistfully.

Tanith smiled. "It's the most wonderful thing in the world. I thought I'd hate being tied down, or resent giving up my time, but from the first moment I saw her, she became my everything. She had to be, since Ghastly fainted in the delivery room."

The women laughed. Valkyrie had never wanted kids, not ever, and Skulduggery seemed more than happy to go with it, though to be honest, they never talked about it, ever. She didn't see the point as there was no magic to give them a child. Skulduggery never mentioned adoption, though she noticed that if they were walking in a park or other place where children gathered, he'd sigh. She stayed a while longer, fussing over mother and child, then left for home. Skulduggery and Ghastly were away on a case together, but she could use the time to think.

* * *

Several weeks later, the men were back and Skulduggery was off on some piece of work Ghastly had insisted he needed to do alone. Valkyrie's mobile rang. Ghastly.

"Valkyrie? Could you come to the Sanctuary alone? I've already given Skulduggery busywork so he won't know. I need to ask you something."

"Of course. I'll get a taxi." Twenty minutes later she walked into Ghastly's office and stopped. To one side there was a black wicker bassinet. Black tule hung down over it, and Valkyrie thought she heard a faint cooing sound.

She walked towards the bassinet, intrigued. Inside was a baby, but entirely swaddled in a black blanket. Valkyrie frowned, parting the tule to uncover the baby, but Ghastly's voice stopped her.

"Do you love Skulduggery?"

"What? Of course."

She reached again for the baby, and again Ghastly stopped her. "That particular baby is fine like that. Did you know sorcerers can live for thousands of years?"

"Yes."

"Did you also know if two of them fall in love and marry at such an advanced age that the baby can come out...different?"

"Yes, I did. Don't tell me they abandoned him, or should I say her?"

"No, the parents tragically died in a car crash. They requested the baby be sent here, but we aren't an orphanage. He'll be sent to one soon if we can't find a home. I haven't even dared to ask anyone. I wouldn't ask you either, but I know Skulduggery wants children with you."

"What?"

"He's mentioned it several times. He simply feels not being a real man he shouldn't even ask you. That you'd never want children from him, not as a skeleton at any rate."

Valkyrie felt her temper flare. "Of all the thickheaded things! He never mentioned a word. It's true I don't want children, I'm too self-centered."

"I thought that's what you'd say. You can go." Valkyrie would have gone, but at that moment the baby cooed and a little skeletal hand reached out to her. She blinked, parting the tule, reaching down automatically, and picking the skeletal baby up.

The baby turned it's skull into her, cooing and clinging for dear life with one bony fist, and Valkyrie felt her heart melt. "He's beautiful." She breathed. She reached down and gently stroked the tiny skull with a mother's touch. The baby giggled and squirmed in her grip, then settled closer, seeming to fall asleep. She stood enraptured, cooing softly.

She realized Ghastly was looking at her, and blushed. But she couldn't put the baby back, couldn't leave him alone and cold to face what would be a horror of being shunted from place to place because of his looks, which she found lovely. The idea that somebody might neglect and not love him brought tears to her eyes, and she realized her was her son now, as much as if he had been born to her. Ghastly had come over, collapsed the bassinet down for carrying and set it on his desk.

"I thought you might want him. He's yours, for the taking, there are no papers to sign, since he's not considered a real baby."

Valkyrie's head came up sharply. "Who said that about my son?"

Ghastly held up his hands helplessly. "Unfortunately that's how the foster system views him. Truth be told, they were planning on burying his with his parents."

"What?" Valkyrie hissed, securing the baby back in the basinet.

"Foolish, but true. I wasn't considered a real baby either, so I know what he must feel like. Not that I remember being a baby, but I distinctly remember my childhood. I wasn't going to tell you that unless you wanted him, but I can see you two are fast friends."

Valkyrie nodded, fighting back the tears of fierce pride that threatened to spill from her eyes. "He's as fine a son as I could hope for." Was all she could manage.

Ghastly called a taxi and soon they were home. Skulduggery's car was there. He greeted her at the door, eyeing the basinet.

"We're running a daycare now, are we?"

"Not exactly. He's ours. Ghastly didn't think you'd mind."

Skulduggery looked at her. "What happened to the woman who didn't want children?"

"He used his baby magic on me." She replied, smiling. "Have a look."

Skulduggery took the bassinet and went into the living room with it, setting it on the floor with exaggerated care, folding his long legs up to sit in front of it. The baby cooed, but he paused with his skeletal hands on the tule. "Valkyrie, I'm not even looking if you're not sure."

"I'm sure, one look was all it took. He's a sneaky baby, I think he takes after you."

Skulduggery gave an amused snort and parted the tule. He undid the blanket and gave a small gasp of surprise. Valkyrie had come to sit down beside him, and smiled. "Well, are you going to pick your son up or not?"

Skulduggery turned to her, looking like every holiday he'd missed in over four hundred years had come at once, and kissed her. He then lifted out the small bundle, and the baby cooed sleepily. He held the baby for the longest time, switched to a purring Gaelic Valkyrie couldn't follow. The new parents fussed over the child, long into the night.

* * *

For the longest time after, two women, one blond, one with brown hair could be seem pushing strollers serenely though this park or the other in Dublin. Something about them, the fierce looks they gave strangers who got to close kept people away. Little Breá and Dathùil couldn't have had better or more protective mothers.

* * *

 **Note: Breá and Dathùil are Gaelic for Beautiful and Handsome respectively. I figured Ghastly And Skulduggery would want Gaelic names for their children to remind them of their own childhoods.**


	22. Motherhood II- Valduggery

A/N: I don't own Tanith, Valkyrie, Ghastly, or Skulduggery. Val is about 28 here, story is in her point of view. There isn't much plot here, just cute babies.

* * *

Ghastly and Skulduggery were out of town and Tanith and I were getting some much-needed catching up time. We sat on the couch in their apartment talking about married life, when Tanith brought up the babies. "Dathùil and Breá seem to have taken to one another, look at that." She cooed. I looked and it was a sight to melt any mother's heart. Dathùil was cuddled up next to Breá fast asleep. The two were fast friends, and always enjoyed seeing one another.

Even though Skulduggery had been worried I'd pointed out that Dathùil adored Breá, and she had loved him from the instant she saw him as well. If she could tell skeletons were different from other people, she clearly didn't mind.

The babies seemed to feel us watching and Dathùil raised a sleepy head in my direction, his eye sockets begging to be held. I picked him up gently, laughing softly as I remembered my father once saying you scruffed babies by the neck like kittens. Dathùil squealed happily, settling in, somehow blinking the eyes he didn't have at me, and I was lost in that sweet face for the longest time. I gently stroked the delicate facial bones, then brought him up closer, kissing his tiny skull. He giggled, reaching up to grab my hair.

"Hey, Mister. How are you today?" I asked. I didn't expect an answer of course. I looked over to see Tanith feeding Breá. I enjoyed watching them, but it was nice having a baby that didn't eat or need changed. Of course he didn't sleep much either, but Skulduggery was good at singing him to meditation.

"How is Ghastly holding up?" I teased.

"He's fine, he actually loves the late night feedings, and I've had to convince him Breá is safer in her crib. He even wanted her crib in our room, can you imagine?"

"Oh, don't even suggest that to Skulduggery. They say we women are overly protective. I had to make him go with Ghastly, and the whole time he just got more and more worked up. I honestly thought with his attention span he'd get bored with Dathùil, but he adores his son."

"You're underestimating him again, sis. You know he wanted children with you so badly. Dathùil is a Godsend to both of you. To be honest, I couldn't believe it when Ghastly called me that day and told me you'd taken him."

Dathùil sat up slightly and fixed me with a stare. There were times when I swore he understood what was going on around him. I thought he COULD tell what was going on so I spoke to him. "Hush, Dathùil. You know I love you. You are my son, and I adore you. Aunty Tanith is right though. I never wanted any babies, until I saw you. You look so much like your father, I can get over it." I stroked his face softly as I spoke, and at the mention of his father, he got upset. So he did understand something at least. He was never a baby to cry, but he was giving me his equivalent.

I dug out my mobile, thankfully Skulduggery answered on the first ring. "Valkyrie, what is it? Is Dathùil all right?"

"He's fine, Skulduggery, but he wants to speak to you. Here, I'll put him on." I held the receiver close to where Dathùil's ears would have been and watched his expression change as his father's velvety voice reached him. Skulduggery soothed and praised his son, then raised his voice slightly so I would speak to him again. "Valkyrie?"

"Yes?"

"We're coming home, don't be angry but we couldn't concentrate. We already have replacements on the way. You aren't angry, are you?"

"No Skulduggery, I'm not angry and we've both missed you. Though I thought the two of you would last longer than four hours. Come home, we want you to." Skulduggery sighed in relief and was going to ring off, but I could hear Ghastly talking to him. I shook my head and handed the phone over to Tanith who had just finished feeding Breá. She assured Ghastly that Breá was fine, and to come home because he was loved and wanted. She rang off and we couldn't look at each other without smiling.

* * *

Several hours later I was back home with Skulduggery who had taken Dathùil as soon we'd gotten inside. He traced the bony features that so resembled his own with a skeletal finger. He spoke softly, lovingly to his son. "I missed you so much, Dathùil. You and your mother both." He paused to shoot me a beseeching glance and I abandoned my book to go sit next to him. "You and your mother are my entire Universe now. Four hours was far too long to be gone, even if I did spend a lot of it shopping."

"You went shopping?"

"Yes, Ghastly and I knew the babies could use some new things. Some toys, and clothes and the like."

I didn't say a word. I let Skulduggery overindulge Dathùil because he needed to. His son was the center of his Universe when he wasn't devoting his time to me. Six months in and he still couldn't get enough of Dathùil. At last he saw how sleepy his son was and took him to his crib so he could meditate.

* * *

That night Skulduggery held me stroking my hair softly as we lay in our bed. I could tell he wanted to talk about something, but wouldn't. I knew him enough by now however to know what it was. "I was happy you came home, you know. I missed you, so did Dathùil. I mentioned you and he sat up looking for you, I swear. Should a baby his age even be able to sit up?"

"He sat up? I wish I saw that."

"I'm sure he'll do it again tomorrow."

"I know, but still. Valkyrie, I know I've been underfoot for a half a year now, and I don't want you angry with me, but I don't want to go back to work, not yet."

"Then don't go back."

"You're serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious! You act like I've been suffering the last six months when I can't recall ever having been this happy outside of the day we were married. God, Skulduggery, I'd keep you home forever if I could, but I thought you wanted to get out of the house and back to work."

"I'll admit that was our plan, but we just weren't ready yet. Ghastly has never had a family, so he resigned as an Elder to be with Tanith and Breá. I - I never had a child last this long-"

"Oh, Skulduggery! Dathùil is safe, you know he is! But you want him in here tonight, don't you?" Skulduggery nodded. I sighed, knowing one night would lead to many nights, but Skulduggery was clearly upset and needed both of us with him. "But he stays in the crib." I said, and Skulduggery was happily out and back, wheeling the crib in gently.

Dathùil seemed to enjoy the ride and looked at his father in awe. He held out his skeletal arms, and Skulduggery happily picked him up, purring something I couldn't catch in Gaelic. He rocked him slightly, the looked at me hopefully. "Fine, yes, bring him to bed, but he has to stay up near the pillows. I don't want him getting rolled on. You know it isn't safe for a baby to be in bed with adults, right?"

"But they always did it in my family. He'll be safe. See? He likes being here." Dathùil promptly crawled down from his position of the pillows and onto his father's chest. Skulduggery put a protective hand on him, cooing softly. He cocked his head at me and I shut out the light before I went to him, putting my head on his shoulder and wrapping an arm around him below Dathùil. Skulduggery looped a protective arm around me and I felt him relax.

We fell asleep that way, and I awoke briefly at dawn with Dathùil cuddled on my chest and Skulduggery nuzzled into me, his arms wrapped tightly around me. I couldn't recall being that happy in months so I closed my eyes again and drifted back to sleep.

* * *

When I awoke there was a video from Tanith on my mobile. She filmed Ghastly with Breá and the sight was heart warming. Ghastly held his daughter in his arms, his large, strong boxer's hands tender with her. His face was serene, and you could bee how this man few woman would have thought of as an ideal father because of his scars made an ideal one. I realized as Tanith walked into the shot she had hidden her mobile somewhere.

Ghastly looked at her happily and drew her into a kiss, then led her to the couch. He wandered out of the shot but soon came back with tea and a bottle of formula. The video ended, and I smiled to myself.

* * *

 **Yeah, not exactly action-packed but these were meant to be fluffish one-shots.**


	23. Revenge of the Plot Bunnies

A/N: I don't own Valkyrie, Skulduggery, or any fandom or show you may recognize. All of this is in good fun, I watch my share of episodes, so don't have a thrombo on me. Many thanks go out to **Lightening sparks** and **BethShadows** for the faves and to **Annie** and a **Guest** for reviewing.

* * *

Valkyrie Cain was standing on a kitchen chair, screaming. She'd started writing fanfiction for her favourite author's stories and the unthinkable had happened. Because magical plot bunnies? Those suckers are quite real and they multiply quickly. And at first she hadn't minded. The cute fluffy bunnies had run about the mansion, sometimes cuddling into her, sometimes wriggling their cute bunny noses at her happily and Valkyrie had laughed and petted and cuddled them. They'd slept in her bed, hopped around after her, and her writing had been prolific.

Other writers had tried to warn her. That there was such a thing as too many dang plot bunnies, and that they could turn nasty and bite. Valkyrie had laughed. Plot bunnies were adorable. How could they sweet little angels turn mean? That had been two weeks ago. And now? Now the mansion was overrun and rabbits of every description were prowling the mansion and the little buggers bit. Hard.

Hence, Valkyrie being on a kitchen chair while the plot bunnies surrounded her, some rearing up on their hind paws, and quite a few looking suspiciously like mad March hares. Valkyrie was using the air to hold them back, but it wouldn't last forever and she shrieked and jumped as several leapt at her and bounced off the shield to fall back into the sea of furry bodies. She'd already called Skulduggery and he arrived and let himself in, laughing at her plight.

Twenty seconds later he was on the floor as plot bunnies poured over him and Valkyrie looked on helplessly as more and more of the dementedly giggling muses piled on him. "All right" She shouted and the rabbits paused. "I'll do it. I'll write what you want."

The rabbits abruptly faded from view and Skulduggery got up, dusting himself up. "What was so bad that you refused? You seem to have been enjoying yourself."

"I saw an episode, just one. I didn't even mean to. But that's when they all appeared."

"So, you're writing about a TV show? There are worse fates, you know."

"It's _MyLittlePony_." She mumbled.

"How's that?" He asked gleefully as he cupped a gloved had to the side of his skull where his ear would have been.

"I said it's _My Little Pony_."

"Come again?" Skulduggery asked, laughing openly at her. "My partner's become a cute little girl all over again. She's going to play with ponies and watch cartoons." He chortled gleefully. Never mind the fact that he was a total Brony. To him that was different.

The problem was, of course, that the episode Valkyrie had seen, and assumed the whole show was about was the return of Nightmare Moon and her response to Skulduggery's laughter with her shadows would have made the mare proud.

* * *

 **Warning, don't mention plot bunnies, or stuff like this happens. For reals. I'm not totally into the fandom, but the episodes are amazingly complex compared to some of the other stuff out there and the new gen ponies are kinda cool, so yeah.**


End file.
